stylenovel

Rare Disease Day ... at home.

2012-02-29T11:57:00.001-06:00

Today, is Rare Disease Day.

When we celebrate the moment in life where we learn there will be little footprint in our near future, there is bliss.

I will never forget the day I told my husband we were pregnant or the glow that came over his face in surprise. It is by far one of the the greatest moments of my life, and never could I have imagined how frequently I would search my memory bank to relish in those few seconds.

But there are other days of our pregnancy and our lives related to Coggin that I will also never forget. I don't search for these, but it feels as though they are always there. The smells, sights and sounds, crawling out when I least expect them.

***

There was a separate form.
"We can also test for Cystic Fibrosis now. Do you want that one, too?"
I didn't think twice in signing it.

Having never had a child, it felt like standard procedure. Get everything covered up front, and then move on to having a brood of baby farmers ... and one tiny dancer, of course.

The next appointment I learned I was a carrier.
One stop at the hospital later, we learned Brett was a carrier.

We took his truck to Peoria that day.
We ate Culver's in his truck outside the office before hand.
I had a mushroom and swiss burger, but my constant nausea got the best of me, and I couldn't finish it.
The specialist was kind, honest ... and before we left, he told us it was a boy.
We focused on that, until our next stop.

There was a little boy in the waiting room at the Children's Hospital office where we would see the genetic counselor.
He exhibited all the excitement of any two-year-old playing with trucks, but he carried an oxygen tank.
My tears welled up in that colorful waiting room, as I tried not to focus on why we were there.

I left the office fuming.
I was so angry that she could speak so coldly about the 25 percent rules of our future children, about what our decisions were and how our life could change.
Though to her I no doubt came across rude, I needed time.
I needed air.

Months later, he was here.
Specific blood work was drawn and sent away for diagnosis of the CF, but by now, we were ready. We were comfortable that we would handle whatever came our way, and in the meantime, we loved every breath he took.
He was perfect and amazing, and everything felt right.

And then, came Day 7.

I was just beginning to understand how to function on caffeine alone.
Harvest was in full force, and I hadn't slept or really seen my husband in more than a week.
My phone rang.
It was a nurse.
She spoke swiftly and shakily.
"The test results from the newborn screening came back and you have to stop feeding your baby immediately. He has to have soy formula and only soy formula starting now, and with your very next feeding. We have contacted the UIC Children's Hospital, and you will need to go as soon as they can get you in. We think your son has galactosemia."

That was literally it. She hung up.

I had to call back because it was almost surreal.
I wanted to understand everything - now.
But no one could tell me anything.
Galactosemia is a rare disease, and I would need to work with UIC for more information.
They were sorry.

If only they could have known the way our yellow walls closed in on me during that phone call.
If they could have seen my face as I listened and stared at the beautiful baby resting calmly in my arms.
If they could have watched the tears begin to fall after they hung up ... feeling so alone in that space and time.
They would have found a way to get me more information.
I have to believe they would have tried to help.

I jumped online, learning that in just 7 short days of feedings, I could have been causing brain, eye or liver damage.

Thankfully, the phone rang just moments later. The specialist from UIC wanted us to be there first thing tomorrow to meet with a team of doctors. Galactosemia effects only 1 in 60,000, and they were clearing schedules to meet with us.

She was calm and patient and answered all of my questions to the best of her ability, without a team in her ear to do so. She lulled my fears and tears to manageable until we would see her less than 24 hours later. She suggested I stay off the internet and try to just follow our standard routine, but now with soy. There was nothing else I could do to help him, just try to get him comfortable with the soy.

I didn't even have clothes that fit him to take him there.
I didn't relish in his coming the way most mothers do, because part of me was resistant.
I was too afraid to go too far. The what ifs consumed my planning.
We had no newborn clothing, but we had intended to be snuggled in for the winter, and he had been successfully living in sleep sacks for 7 days.
I pulled out what looked like our smallest 0-3 clothing.
I took a picture of him in his Old Navy football onesie and navy John Deere sweatpants.
That was his first outfit.
He was swimming in it, but I couldn't concentrate on matching or primping.
I couldn't concentrate on anything.
He wore the hand-knitted hat we had selected from a bin of options at the hospital.

I rode in the back with him all the way there. The physical separation seemed necessary in the silence that had befallen my husband and I's relationship.
His focus was missed work in the field during a critical time.
My focus was ... gone.
In typical fashion, we got lost in Chicago and the tension between my husband and I continued to build.
The team was amazing - kind and knowledgeable - but I felt so removed as we sat in a stark room with five people who talked to us about our options and the seriousness of the disease.

We heard again about the 25 percent rules of genetics. About our future. About how this could change things, and about all that could be to come. They revisited our potential for CF and said they would pull those results from the hospital drawing them so we could have all of our answers finally. Quickly.

But this time I couldn't be angry. I couldn't feel anything.

Less than 24 hours later, UIC called.

Cystic Fibrosis - Coggin does not have the genetic mutation (25% chance) and isn't even a carrier (50% chance).

Galactosemia - Coggin is a carrier for Duarte Galactosemia - a lesser form of classic galactosemia. Being a carrier means he has no symptoms but if he and his future wife are both carriers (like Brett and I), they have the potential to pass it on to their children.

He's a perfectly happy, healthy little boy.

I tell this story often and openly. I share our experience, because it feels like others should know. I want others to know about CF and galactosemia because they are very real, and there are so many other families who do not have the same outcome that we did.

This year, I began following the stories of women from my college sorority who experienced similar moments, but with different results.

I have found so much strength in watching them succeed through their struggles and share with the world their amazing journeys of conquering fears in ways they could never have imagined.

Today, on Rare Disease Day, I encourage you to click on these links and watch these very brief videos to learn about the life of those who are meeting these diseases we have come so close to knowing head on.

*This is a video that was shared by Sara on Facebook. Sara's son, BZ, knows Asher's pain, because BZ too has Cystic Fibrosis. Click here to support Sara in Taking Steps to Cure Cystic Fibrosis.

2012 teamASHER from teamAsher on Vimeo.

teamASHER 2011 Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Video from teamAsher on Vimeo.

*The Siminoff family is on a mission to help their son, Oliver, and to bring awareness and research to Galactosemia.

In honor of Rare Disease Day, I would also suggestion you check out Blessed by Brenna. This little doll was born on December 19 with a rare skin condition called Harlequin Ichthyosis, and girl is not backing down to it without a fight. Neither is her amazing mother, Courtney, who writes the blog.

We all have risks - both in having children and in not. Life changes with every second.

All I ask is that you take one of those seconds today to learn something new.

Happy Wednesday.

Ballsy.

2012-02-23T09:16:00.001-06:00

Let's skip back a few hours and pretend it's Wednesday, shall we?

Good.

Now that we're back, let's talk about my Wednesday.

Amid a very productive day, I was catching up on some fashion news and caught Adele's VOGUE Magazine Shoot coverage on YouTube.

As if her voice and beauty weren't ridiculously amazing in every way, it turns out she's a phenomenal interviewee.

My favorite comments of the interview:
1. I trust myself.
2. I used to define power by age ... I kind of define power now by having the confidence to make your own decision, to not be swayed by other people and be brave and fearless to know that even if you make the wrong decision, you made it for a good reason.
3. I'm ballsy, I have guts, and I'm not afraid of anyone, and that makes me feel powerful. The only person I'm afraid of is myself.

Chick's ballsy alright, but in all the right ways.

Here's to a fearless Thursday.

Short ... and blonde.

2012-02-21T23:22:00.001-06:00

In college, I colored my hair more frequently than anyone probably should.
I was completely confident grabbing one color after another, trying on what might fit my personality at the moment.
When I got my first big-girl job, the first order of business was making sure I took care of my favorite accessory.
Throughout the years, I've mellowed in the amount of expression I put in my hair.
Recently, we've been looking at where we can save a few dollars, and tonight - roots staring me in the eyes for weeks now - I grabbed a box of blonde wonder when swinging through Wal-Mart to pick up a prescription.

The long story short - I was completely sweating the results, but my $7.97 was a success!
I feared it would be too bright and brassy, but it simply mellowed out my roots and highlighted a bit.
As it turns out, the worst part was becoming aware of how timid I've become since my college days.
Too bad I can't tackle that with a box ...

Let friendship ring.

2012-02-20T21:38:00.000-06:00

I adore unexpected two-hour play dates in lazy clothes because I remember them when I was young.
If there is one thing Connie Hahne has mastered, it is friendship.
My mother is the truest meaning of friend - she listens and appreciates people for who and what they are, and it's so endearing.
What's more, though, is the fact that she is always a very active friend.
I mean that not in the sense that she is frequently the hostess with the mostest - though this is also very true - but rather that she always seems to have friendship on her mind.
For my entire life, she has had an open door policy with her circle of friends, and that meant we never knew if Tumblesons, or Lanxons, or Litherlands were going to stop by.
I want my little one to know that same feeling of unexpected excitement - that surge of friendship that waves over you when you knock on the door or hear someone else knocking.
Today when we knocked, did friendship ever ring.
Only the ones you truly love - and who willingly love you - can keep from smirking when you show up hair falling out of a pony tail, bent glasses, aged Illini sweatshirt marked with remnants of a Valentine's day Sharpie fight and your favorite worn in yoga pants.
So, as one can imagine, nothing made me feel more welcome than to see my friend open the door in her flannel pants and sweatshirt.
I sitting in her rocking chair, her folding laundry, the kids playing around us and another friend and daughter bouncing in the door ... I knew this is why we moved here.
This is why I caved.
And while I will always wish I lived just five minutes from my parents, on the other hand I had always wished I lived just five minutes from a friend.
We have had a lot of lay low social events like this lately, and I am making an effort to have more of them.
When I am in these situations, I feel so present.
I hang on words, and I learn from them.
They speak to me in that I apply them to my own life, my own moments and my own emotions.
They remind me of the strength of the people who surround me, and they comfort me in knowing I am not an army of one.
When we first looked at this house, I remember standing on the deck looking over the backyard, saying to Brett, "Isn't this house the perfect location?"
Little did I know how many times I would relish in the enjoyment of such wonderful people being so close - and the many others who are just out of visible reach.
There is strength in numbers ... and sweats ... and friendship.
All it requires is making the effort to knock.

Lace up.

2012-02-19T20:48:00.003-06:00

I haven't given sincere effort to exercise since I completed the Rock 'n' Roll Chicago Half Marathon last August.
While it was an amazing feeling crossing the finish line, I was a bit burnt out and ready to just laze around for a while.
As the Training Peaks e-mails began flooding in my inbox last week, though, I knew the itch was coming back, and I couldn't have felt better about it.
I decided today that I will begin training for another half.

Whether I actually race one or not (definitely considering the RnR again!), there is something motivating about having a set plan and schedule to my workouts.
Before I get my training plan on the calendar though, I wanted to make sure that urge and passion was truly still there.
So tonight, I took a walk.
I heard my mind contemplate wanting to pick up the pace, but I resisted the urge, teasing it with the possibility of can versus will.
There was something so motivating in feeling myself want more.
I let myself walk until it got dark and then headed home.

In those short moments, I tried hard to take it all in.
I found myself checking my watch repeatedly for distance and times.

I remembered the sights and sounds of not only that race, but the handful of 5ks and training runs I ran last year.
I listened to my heart and mind go through the Little Engine That Could routine of convincing each other I was capable and able.
I let the sounds surging through my ear buds rush over me, and I took notice of those that made my pace quicken and slow.

I'm not a good runner ... hell, as far as speed goes, I'm likely more of a "jogger". But all speed and kidding aside, I indulge in the fact that my heart has turned to one of an athlete.
That I can find ways to push myself, to motivate myself has come to lead me to draw on what I have done to determine what I can do.

Time to lace up.

Mark time, mark.

2012-02-18T21:07:00.000-06:00

"For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." - F. Scott Fitzgerald

I've been soul searching.
I'm talking deep down, find-your-worth-and-cash-it-in soul searching.
Sometimes, the pieces all align, and in moments like that, I'm reminded that it has nothing to do with me.
There's a plan.
Boy, do I ever believe there is a plan.

The last few months, I've been thinking about people.
The people, to be precise.
I have been hung up on the stories and moments of friends, acquaintances and complete strangers whose words and actions are touching my life in ways I could never have expected.
Women of strength, beating their battle drums loud enough that this musician cannot help but want to raise a mallet and skip a left-right-left.
And so ... I did.
There is no certainty in this parade other than knowing I took a risk to join, and I have to play my part by spreading the rhythm.

This blog began about my physical style - clothing, hair, beauty - and has gradually molded into my style of everything. The way I roll and why I choose to. The waves that guide me, and what can be learned in those motions.

Of late, I find myself not posting, because I feel the need to edit.
I plan to write, but I really have nothing to share.
I want to write about clothing, but I haven't had the opportunity to go shopping in months.
I want to write about an event, but I just covered that in an assignment for class.
I want to write about a moment in our home, but it feels too silly for anyone to be interested in reading.
I want to post, but I don't have any interesting photos to add and who would want to just read my writing.

I am going to do my best for the next week to post every day without fail.
Not because anything has changed in my life that makes it worth sharing, but because I need it.

I need to feel the release of the tapping cadence in my fingertips.

I need to contribute to this world of women determined to live their lives ... they may or may be not the lives they had always dreamed of, but they are the lives they are now determined to create.

30 down.

2012-02-08T23:35:00.000-06:00

Tonight, as I worked through various exercises I learned in college to detour my writer's block, it dawned on me.
I have been 30 for one month.
I tend to take birthdays with an overdose of reflection.
I contemplate for weeks prior all that I have and should learn from the past 12 months.
I work myself into a stressful frenzy over what I can and cannot check off of my accomplishments for the year, hours mulling over this annual report card on life.
Four weeks ago, I vowed to approach days differently - to play an active role in my own life and to stop relying on only what I know.
I will be less afraid and more present.
This is no midlife crisis.
This, is midlife awareness.
If 29 taught me anything, it was to be sincerely involved in life - because it changes in an instance.
I caught myself dishing the following disclaimer the other day and could not help but pause in slight disgust.
"We had a really long year last year."
You know what? We did.
But, in hindsight ... it was nothing.
Many of the moments we endured were difficult, but in the seconds in between them, we became able.
In my 29th year, I grew. I learned.
I triumphed, but more importantly, I faltered.
In my 29th year, I realized this is life, and even in its toughest moments, there is a lesson to be thankful for.
For one month now, I have been giving earnest effort to making changes - some little and some big.
I'm using my voice.
I'm taking a chance on myself.
I'm making my family a priority.
I'm teaching myself to listen.
I'm accepting that my life doesn't have to fit the same mold that shaped it.

I am passionate about trying.

Passion is highly underrated.
I'm talking say-it-like-you-mean-it, soak-up-the-sunshine embrace.
No apologies.
No explanations.
Just straight-up enthusiasm - for people, for causes, for life.

Drink it in.

Focus Monday.

2012-02-07T02:07:00.001-06:00

So, after waking this morning feeling refreshed and renewed (which you'll hear more about tomorrow), I am now up almost a full 24 hours later trying very hard to focus on something positive.
Without further ado, here are the things I did get done today ...

*Made time for popsicles after dinner ... complete with gloves - because how else do you eat a Freeze Pop?

*In an effort to relax before a long night of work/homework, remembered to light my favorite candle while taking a shower ... find them at Anthropologie for a little bit of heaven.

*Opted for a night cap instead of a late-night snack ... and, for the first time ever, made it about 99% mix and 1% vodka - just enough to "pretend" I was relaxing. Trying to get those veggies in, and there was far too much work for any playing around!

I'm making Monday the new "focus" day ... as in "focus on something good for heavens sake, you have to make through the week!"

Happy Monday/Tuesday!

Figure out what and how.

2012-01-16T01:54:00.000-06:00

Tonight, for the first time since I don't know when, I sat down with a movie that I had never seen before.
No computer on.
No interruptions.
If I'm going to take the time to forget about reality for two hours, I want it to be all giggles and happy tears, and "How Do You Know" fit that bill perfectly.
It was your typical boy meets girl through random circumstance and humor in all the right ways, and since I love Paul Rudd, it had that little extra bonus.
But about halfway through, my mind got all tangled in a line that I just couldn't let go of.

"You need to figure out what it is you want and learn how to ask for it."

It's scary being brave enough to ask for what you want, particularly once you have finally completed the maze of figuring out what that thing is.
If you're anything like me the fear of actually getting what you request is torture enough in itself - always first considering the millions of reasons you shouldn't get it or should feel guilty for getting it, essentially ruining the glory and pride of even getting the courage to ask in the first place.
I have rewritten my posts about resolutions and turning 30 dozens of times now.
And one of these days, when I'm finally finished editing the bejesus out of them, I will post them.
But for tonight, this quote - with the emphasis on the word "how" - seems to hold its own.
If we sincerely put time into thinking about the how, then there should be no guilt.
If rather than rashly reacting to something we think we may want to take time from something we know we truly want, then a thoughtful "how" means no one gets cheated because the intentions are earnest.
Our lives should be intentional. Our decisions with purpose.
Our time here - in its incredible briefness - built on a drink-it-in-for-all-its-worth attitude of truly appreciating the moments we have.
And creating a life on the foundation of truly knowing what we want and considering the best how in learning to ask for it - well, that feels nothing to be ashamed of conquering.

Tricky.

2012-01-05T22:48:00.000-06:00

I like to think I am a bit of a wordsmith.
I take my time with words, cautiously considering the connotations of each string of syllables tied to the next.
I use a thesaurus regularly and am plagued with obsession to alliteration and rhythm.
I am an English major, after all.
As I sat down to write tonight, though, I could come up with only one word to describe today: tricky.
It was a hodgepodge day of emotions, each of the past, present and future.
My mind raced until only espresso could slow it, and so ... I shopped.
I managed to muster just enough focus to scoop up the following items under $20 each:
*short-waisted biker jacket (faux leather) - loving it so much, I'm already dreaming about putting it on tomorrow morning.
*printed one-shoulder dress I was <thisclose> to paying full price for early last summer.

*A-line bubble gum pink mohair mini - seen here with a melon-colored top that I didn't end up buying because it just didn't quite fit right despite its $4.99 price tag.

>GOLDEN RULE OF SUCCESSFUL SALE SHOPPING<

If you had an AmEx Black Card and still wouldn't have bought it at full price, you don't really like it.

Having to explain to everyone you only paid $10 for it does not make it more cute.

*two pair of peep-toe heels because a) how do you decide between snakeskin with cherry-red trim or nude with fuschia trim and bright orange heels and b) apparently I can never have enough peep-toe heels.

And though I didn't bring it home (see aforementioned Golden Rule), running into this sign in a store I would rarely have entered seemed to fit just right.

When the time came to wrap it all back to reality, I hugged my husband (after sneaking all of my bags upstairs first, of course!) and went to pick up my child from his grandparents' feeling overwhelmed by blessings and a little less afraid of the tricks life throws our way.

Happy Friday - make it beautiful.

Find it.

2012-01-03T22:22:00.000-06:00

I love the way my brain goes into overtime the minute I read something well-crafted or see someone express themselves through artistic style.
This year, I decided one of my resolutions was to "get inspired."
Now, of course, just these two words were not enough for me. I'm a fan of attainable goals, which means they're specific.
Our minds of creativity and growth can branch only as far as we are willing to allow them, and checking my dailies just won't hook me up with that above-and-beyond I intend to build in 2012.
So, as part of getting inspired, I'm finding at least one source a day.
On Monday, that came from new groceries and cleaning my fridge - VIOLA!

Apron on and staring down my freshly organized fridge, I channeled the contestants on Chopped.

Everything you need is here - GO!

Unfortunately, while this was all the heart I needed to whip up a batch of what I planned to be my new "famous" chicken and noodles, the meal itself was a complete bust.

Thirty minutes into the crock pot, the noodles had literally disintegrated into the chicken broth.

My culinary expertise suspected adding more (different!) noodles would help. This would turn out to be an incorrect assumption.

Needless to say, an entire batch of this well-planned and organized food found itself to the rectangular receptacle. It's a really sad day when not even my husband will eat it.

But I'm also trying to remember that each day is a new day ... one to make special and to make new choices. That is, after all, how we learn.

And on my way to work this morning, I saw this ...

Inspired.

It's been a while since I've had any opportunity to see the sun. I have been heading to work before it rises and heading out of the bank long after it has set.

This morning I woke up 30 minutes late, panicking on my way out the door ... and it was worth every second.

This baby says it all ... this, is where we live.

This is where my family will grow.
This is where my friends have become my family.
This is where I have been living my life.
This is where I will create my life.

Hope your resolutions are going well ... it only takes three days to make a habit.

With sprinkles, and all.

2012-01-01T23:08:00.000-06:00

Christmas was as holidays typically go when you're the mom/wife/stylist/hostess/chef/gift wrapper/gift purchaser/home decorator/exterior decorator/queen pain in everyone else's hiney because you're feeling the pressure of all of the other above.

But it was also spiked with a little of this ... all within the 24 hours ...

9 am 12/23: I had taken the day off so that I could prepare all of my holiday food - and to selfishly go get a massage to clear my brain before the madness that would ensue by squeezing five family celebrations into three days. Instead, I opted to cancel my appointment, keep my child home from the sitter, and we made Christmas cookies. I wrapped myself in an adorable apron I got on sale at Anthropologie during our Chicago trip and dove into my first attempt at holiday baking magic. If I can say so, they turned out fantastic, with some even getting a few extra sprinkles from the "floured" child while my back was turned. Holy memories, Saint Nick!

9 pm 12/23: Speaking of the jolly old man, himself, we headed out for our annual Ugly Sweater Party that evening. Never have I been so thankful for such unfashionable friends. These people make my days and nights, and in everything from PJs to reindeer hats, the night was one to be remembered.

9 am 12/24: Little man stayed at Nonnie and Grandpa's while Brett and I were out making a mockery of ourselves on the town that evening. When we arrived on Christmas Eve morning to pick him up, this is what we found.
Be.
Still.
My.
Heart.
My dad was so focused on helping Coggin wash potatoes, neither of them even noticed we were there, and I had a brief moment to capture this little bit of heaven before the apron was off and he would show us everything he had done that morning.
There's something special about the love these two have with him, and I'm so thankful that each of them takes the time to spend with him.
It was the perfect way to start our whirlwind family tour, and as much as I found myself dreading the chaos that came with the season, there was good in Christmas this year.
Very good.

Growth spurt.

2012-01-01T21:48:00.000-06:00

2011 was a growth spurt.
It somehow felt as if every possible emotion and experience missed from my twenties elected to pack a 12-month punch I couldn't have drafted on even my finest literary moment.
I grew in good ways - and in hard.
It was a year full of firsts and lasts - moments I want to hold onto forever, and moments I would no sooner love to forget.
And while I could spend paragraphs sharing the grave details, the truth is - they don't matter.
As I look back on 2011, one of the greatest lessons I have learned is that it's not the what happened, but the what's become of what happened.
And I became aware.
The moments and hours and tears that seemed endless all contributed to my being able to simply say, I had my year.
It was a "Hahne mental health" year, if you will.
For the greater part of it, I questioned everything - and in the end, life happened without my having any answers.
My all-night worry sessions and dramatic conclusions drawn for just what would come of this "mess" I have made for myself ... fogging, blurring and not at all helpful.
I have thought a lot lately about a really bad habit I have finely crafted over the years - interrupting.
2011 felt a bit like one of my incessant interruptions.
It blurted out new challenges just as I were beginning to start a new sentence, as if to remind me it were still involved in the plan and wanted to share it's opportunities.
As it turns out - interruptions are obnoxious and, despite what I learned many years ago in a leadership class, not always at all helpful in making the other party feel as if you listened and can relate.
So this year, I resolve to just listen.
To my child.
To my husband.
To my friends and family and strangers.

To my heart.

There's a bigger something out there for me in 2012 ... in my 30s ... here's hoping its song is loud enough and my attention focused.

City explosion.

2011-12-16T01:37:00.002-06:00

It's uber late.
I just finished a final.
But I'm feeling the need to post my love of the city before the week is out. Here goes ... well, everything ...

After lunching and catching the train on Friday, we checked in and settled into our chairs with a drink. I opted for champagne ... we don't drink champagne enough, in my opinion, and any trip to Chicago is reason to celebrate!

Post-classiness, we headed to Rock Bottom just down the block, where we settled in for some family catch-up. It was my favorite part of the weekend ... and, p.s. - "new girl" couldn't fit in more. We Sullivans don't make it easy, and my cousin's wife (adorable blonde on the left) melted right in and tolerated us in ways only someone who really loves her husband could. Fantastic having her!

Saturday morning we woke up, and I reluctantly experienced this ...

Salvage One was described to me as a place where there was surplus kitchen furniture, etc. While this is absolutely true, it is also quite possibly one of the most inspiring places I've ever been. I wanted to settle into a corner of the sunlit industrial space with my laptop and write a novel ... or take pictures of every nook and cranny to bring thoughts home to decorate here ... or go to every possible yard sale from here to eternity in an effort to spark my own creative flame. It was ... in a word ... amazing.

The rest of the weekend included bloody mary's on the 4th floor of Neiman Marcus (great little place!), a successful trip to Zara, a renewed interest in AllSaints, a heartfelt moment with a variation of this trench at Burberry and a wall of platforms at Aldo.

The evening wrapped with a family style taste-test and two enormous pieces of chocolate cake split at P.F. Chang's, followed by enough family stories and laughs to swell hearts to match our bellies.

Sunday morning meant lazily making our way out for some last minute browsing (more to come on my amazing book finds at Anthropologie!) and one last bloody mary at a favorite, Atwood Cafe on State Street.

A quick 95 minutes later, I found myself back in BC and just hours from this ...

The weekend was a heavenly combination.

Glitter and gold.

2011-12-05T23:46:00.001-06:00

The holidays are here, and it's that time of year when we're all looking for something unique.

We hope we know our loved ones in a way which would allow us to buy them gifts reflective of who and what they are.
The question is - where?
Good intentions of finding something not already in one's possession blossom when discovered in places unknown.
After all, if your best friend is known for looking as if she walked straight out of Anthropologie, odds are you aren't going to find something "so her" that she doesn't already own.
But where to begin?
Well, if you're looking for jewelry, I highly suggest Alexis Studio Design.
I had the pleasure of meeting Alexis Gopal through my Fashion Journalism course, and I couldn't be more impressed with her personality or her talent.
This doctor-turned-designer has been playing her hand with jewelry since she was young, and she's now working in association with The Artisan Group, to provide her hand-crafted jewelry for GBK Production’s 2012 Golden Globes Gift Lounge Jan. 13, 2012. The event will be hosted at the L’Ermitage Hotel in Beverly Hills, California, in honor of The 69th Annual Golden Globes Awards Nominees and Presenters. She will also participate in GBK's 2012 Oscar Gift Lounge Feb. 24, 2012.
The upside?
While her jewelry is fabulous enough to make these awesome swag bags, if you checkout her site, alexisstudiodesign.com, these amazing creations begin for as reasonable as $10.
Check out three of my favorites, and be sure to take a peek at her site:
*Asian Moonlight Earrings. These collarbone-skimming earrings are the feature for the Golden Globe bags I mentioned above, so while they aren't available for me to be precisely matchy-matchy with any nominees, they're definitely lust-worthy for only $45.
*Silver Italian Wire Mesh and Pink Flower Applique Necklace. Also at a reasonable $45, this unique piece feels a little girly and a little dressed up all at the same time. It feels like a great piece to have for the upcoming spring, and in the meantime, would look great over an all-black long-sleeved A-line work dress.
*Mother-Child Cameo Cuff Bracelet. My obsession with cuffs, you already know, isn't shy on materials or colors. This brass piece is the perfect way to mix, since I don't currently have any other metals with this finish, and I love the old-world feel. Better yet, for $35 I could also pick one up for any of my friends who might also appreciate the beautiful mother-child imagery.
Take a chance on something unexpected this holiday season, and enjoy that moment a little more when wrapping paper flies off and you see a smile.

Adventures in Christmas

2011-11-28T00:51:00.001-06:00

This weekend, we kicked off my favorite time of year - Christmas.
Despite my shopping-loving nature, the spark is not in the gifts - I adore my people, but I dread the way my thoughts on "clever" and "unique" always end up more like strange and awkward.
For me, the holidays come with a sense of family, togetherness and general rose-colored view. Every step seems a little lighter with the voice of Bing Crosby crooning me Silent Night, and the vision of my mom's house decorated with the glow of low white lights and garland nearly brings tears to my eyes.
I awoke and practically "sprang from my bed" yesterday morning at just the thought of turning on the Sirius XM Holly station and making a valiant attempt to create my own holiday magic.
I drank coffee, wrapped garland around banisters and unpacked once-a-year treasures. I found strategic places for my favorite things and filled a huge box of others I no longer deem credible to my personal decorative style.
As it turns out, just because your 23-year-old self was so graciously thankful for a hand-me-down Christmas wreath for a lonely house, does not mean you have to continue to hang it seven years later.
The art of editing my closet is an ongoing focus, and today, I was thankful to see that bravery extend into my home decor. I could almost feel every wall in the house sigh in relief as I packed the tattered wreath and several other pieces for sharing with others. (One man's trash is another's treasure, right?)
Sometimes letting go is the first step to moving forward.
It holds true for relationships, over-sized denim blazers and enormous sparkly snowmen, equally - go figure.
Much like I find with my wardrobe, I have little doubt it will take me many years to build up my Christmas adornments, but I continue to improve at staying on point with what I really like.
For example, my personal style does not typically reflect traditional country decor. Why, then, I thought the biggest decorating holiday of the year was a good time to stray from that, I have no idea. And, in hind sight, the combination of pastoral and obnoxious amounts of glitter does not meet in the middle at casual chic no matter how you add, subtract or multiply it.
Always stick with what reflects you.
Noted?
Good.
When the boxes were finally empty, we ventured for some Christmas shopping, last-minute holiday decorating needs and then today hit the tree farm.
This is our second year picking and cutting our own tree, and it is worth every cold second and $28 of the experience.
Traditions like that melt into hearts and heads.
I will never be able to recreate for my child the amazing Christmas spirit my mom hand-crafted in our home growing up, but I can do the best I can to instill in him as much as we can.
Two days, several laughs, a few arguments, a tree, a thousand lights and many smiles later, I may have even said to my husband, "If anything ever happens to me - you must always give him Christmas like this."
All of this attention to creating holiday bliss may mean my house now looks like Santa's bag exploded onto the living room floor, but it is the first year in our new home and the glow of our enormous family-selected tree now radiates off the front picture window as I watch White Christmas and think of the weeks on the horizon.
What's a few toys?
More posts coming soon ... Merry Christmas.

I came home early.

2011-11-17T16:45:00.001-06:00

I came home early today.
I wasn't sick. I didn't pretend to be.
I simply said I needed to leave 30 minutes early, and I did.
Don't be disappointed - I have oodles of personal time I never use and work on Saturday, so I could have taken half a day, but I didn't because I don't and today I did.
For 30 minutes.
I came home early today.

I just needed to breathe.
To drive home at a lowly 60 mph rather than the typical 64, with my foot always on the pedal when I think I can squeak out that extra mph without seeing cherries and blueberries.
I'm tired of rushing.
And I'm tired.
But even now, I'm rushing.

I know I haven't posted in a really long time, and it's not that I didn't want to.
It's not that I don't have lots of fun pictures I've been taking to post in my trio of photos.
Or that I didn't have something clever all drawn up in my brain for the move to my new blog address (did you notice?).
I did.
I do.
I just haven't.

Time gets confusing and confuzled sometimes, when we are torn between roles of parent, person and professional.
Lines get crossed, moments get lost and just when we feel the schedule in pen on paper makes it all right, that piece gets misplaced in the mile-high stack on the desk.

Because we are human.

Human is hard to accept.
We grow up making plans, making dreams, making places and timelines and overexaggerated meanings to what our life will be.
And then we get there.

And then we get tired.
And wonder how to slow down.
But we don't want to, because deep down we want it all.

Today, I wanted 30 minutes.

This time I chose to take them.

Happy Friday-eve.

Fake it.

2011-10-17T14:30:00.000-05:00

You know the phrase "fake it til you make it"?
Well, lately you may have noticed I gave "complain until you make it" a try, and as it turns out, it's just not the same.
It did, however, result in the enjoyment of a few ice cold Busch lights last Wednesday night (because even classy girls like Busch Light!) and a Sunday afternoon of complete de-stressing thanks to my mom.
I called her yesterday morning for her apple scone recipe, which also includes bacon, cheddar cheese and chives.
In typical amazing-mom fashion, she called me 25 minutes later, five minutes from my house, saying she was on her way with all the ingredients because it's relaxing to bake and she knew I didn't have a grocery store in town. Of course, she did.
Chopping, mixing and several hours later, I was considering giving up my day job and opening my own bakery because I won't lie - these scones were freakin' amazing. (Mom, I'll bring you one for our date Wednesday.)
But back to the point.
Millions of women run the work-school-family-healthy woman bit every year - some with incredibly less help than I have - and it's time for me to just jump on the bandwagon.
So, with some very big things on the verge in the next few months (baby boy turning 2, holidays, my 30th birthday), I think it's time to fall back on this good old phrase with hopes that I'll "make it" sometime in 2012.
Until then ... here's how I'm packing to "fake-it":
1. Lipstick and manicures. I don't usually wear lipstick. In fact, after I handed over my dark brown-ish lipstick of high school, I've almost taken to disliking it, so this one could take some adjusting. But all-in-all, lipstick and manicures mean you've made extra time for the extras. Even if you sacrificed a lunch hour to do it.
2. Up-dos. Messy hair? No time to manage a brush? Too bad, so sad - bobby pins will save the day. No pouting, just primping. Bam.
3. Eye highlighter. I'm not sold on any specific lessening of my liner, but if I'm going to rely on the lipstick, I can't be overdoing it anywhere else. Not to mention, the baggage under ones' eyes after holiday parties, finals, all-night enjoyment of quiet time to oneself (I will get this done) could always use a little brightening.
4. Coffee mug. As cool as I feel sporting my Diet Pepsi can in an awesome fluorescent pink coozie at work, I'm going to make an effort to pour it into my mug. You're laughing now, right? It's stupid that I'm thinking this minute? Did you ever compare the girl all dolled up with manicured hands holding a Starbucks mug vs. the girl who has chipped polish and a fluorescent coozie? Right. Point made.
5. Notepad. Again, it's a little thing, but with everything I'm pretending I have down pat right now, I'm finding I'm forgetting things more and more. I bought a cute $3 notepad at Wal-Mart that I intend to make my new BFF. I've got to have somewhere to write down all of the great Christmas gift ideas that dawn on me in the middle of meetings, right?
(Huge joke, considering my past history with Christmas gifts. Let's just say I'm the one you don't want to pull your name in the draw.)
Happy beginning of the week - if you don't know what you're doing or how you're going to get through it, make a plan for pretending you do!

Holiday bravery.

2011-10-10T22:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday and today were a mix of tough love and pure enjoyment.
Part of the nocturnal mayhem going on here lately has been self-induced by a mommy who simply wants her munchkin sleeping soundly at night without a tear shed.
Truth be told, that's seemingly impossible in this house unless he's snuggled in tightly between two warm bodies and kicking us straight-up in the face.
I knew the time was coming that I'd need to either ditch the habit or accept it for years to come, so I decided to put my big girl pants on and be a parent.
I opted to start with nap-time, and after 20 minutes of listening to the little love scream "mommy-daddy" at the top of his lungs, I heard the silence, waited five minutes and went in to see him snoozing soundly. Last night went okay, tonight was easier yet.
For the number of times I use the phrase, "he doesn't know any better - you have to make that decision for him" with my husband, it was time to swallow my own words of "wisdom."
On the wings of my parenting bravery, I opted to embrace this Columbus Day with the fervency of someone looking for the New World by recreating parts of my own little world.
There are few things I enjoy more than rearranging my furniture, and today was no exception. I had my options all down at the old house, and I'm still testing the waters in the new one.
We are lucky enough to have an incredible number of windows, but also cursed by these windows because I hate to cover them with furniture.
This time around, though, I opted for some big changes, one of which involved setting our dining room table neatly into its own little corner. Because of the angle, however, only one chair was going to be a logical fit on the right side, and I'm loving the asymmetry.
After a disappointing trip to Sephora in JCPenney this afternoon ("I'm sorry, we don't carry Bobbi Brown, but you can order it from us online"), I impulse purchased laura mercier creme blush in Oleander and Clinique Cream Shaper for Eyes in Starry Plum. Each is a far stretch from my current basics, and I can't wait to play with their options.
Before the drive back through the corn to the country, I made sure to get my hands around a heavenly white cup, and my venti skinny caramel macchiato was more amazing than I had remembered them being.
I cannot say the same for the interesting treat the munchkin actually enjoyed, which was an awkwardly thick ball of cake coated in fondant. It sure looked pretty, though.
This week starts with Tuesday ... can't beat that!

Make up and dress down.

2011-10-08T16:25:00.000-05:00

I have been a little shy on sleep lately, so my makeup has been critically important. I typically rely on my Neutrogena Healthy Skin Protecting Eye Brightener to pull the weight, but the need arose yesterday to also layer on an extra dusting of Cover Girl Eye Enhancers in Champagne just under my eyes. These poor peepers definitely needed a wake-up call.
It also brought to my attention that my lack of sun for pretty much the entire summer may require a change in blush shades. I've been smudging on Bobbi Brown Pot Rouge in Cabo Coral for quite some time now, despite my change in skin tone, and I was just reading an article last week that your makeup routine and shades should change with every season.
While I snagged my pot rouge from Sephora.com initially, the shades of pink all seem so similar that I think I'll need in in-person intervention for my cheeky makeover.
I'm headed to Davenport on Monday anyway to say hello to former co-workers (can't wait!), so I'll be in the perfect area to make a stop at Sephora in JCPenney. If I have any extra time, I may have to drop into Ulta as well, since I have yet to make an appearance there.
Speaking of the three-day weekend - mine's been filled with StyleMint. Have you heard of StyleMint, yet? No? Let me share ...
So, a while back I was on the hunt for great light-weight graphic and other t-shirts to wear under blazers that didn't require my shopping in the same place I buy cute stuff for my adorable 5th grade niece (AKA American Eagle, Hollister, etc.).
Enter StyleMint. Essentially, there are four new t-shirts created a month, each $29.99 and you can either pick one or pass. It's pretty much like a t-shirt club, but in a grown-up way. My first pick was the "I'm Almost Not Crazy" graphic t. This week, after seeing it styled about a billion cute ways, I also ordered up the Rush in cream and black and my October pick of the Prince in white.
When I say these are the most comfortable t-shirts I've ever owned, I'm not even kind of kidding, and I have now built a habit of waiting for the first-of-the-month like a kid at Christmas! If you dig the prices and the scenario, there are other BeachMint subsidiaries like JewelMint and ShoeMint, which is set to go live in late November.
And as excited as I am for that release - my shoe obsession is no secret - and November, I won't be rushing this amazing weather away anytime soon. Time to get this house picked up so we can enjoy a long walk/jog later.
Happy weekend!

Food, folks, fun.

2011-10-07T00:12:00.002-05:00

Fall has fallen, harvest is in full force, and for this week that has meant actually cooking dinners. My casserole dishes must be wondering if Betty Crocker has suddenly come to town. Tonight, after already defrosting the ground beef for barbecue sandwiches, I pulled out the hamburger buns only to realize both packages were filled with mold. Goo. One quick check of the fridge, a few combinations of online recipes and an hour later - tada - enchiladas! They actually turned out pretty good, but next time a little less chili powder, fo sho.

Steve Jobs. It was as if his name were in the air today. Tweets, articles - everything seemed to lead to him and the legacy he left. The truth is, some people really do change the world. What an incredibly outstanding accomplishment.

I bought my first new purse in what feels like an eternity this week. My Zara Large Fashion Bag is practically perfect in every way. The leather is soft and has that new purchase smell. The long strap is great for leaving my hands free for paperwork and coffee in the morning. The short strap is strangely attached on both sides, but has turned out to be genius for grabbing it quick on the go. Did I mention it's an amazing shade of emerald green? Do you get the picture that I could sleep snuggled up with the thing? I could. And I would, if I didn't think then I'd have to let my husband know what I paid for it.

Do you get a 3-day weekend? Don't forget to say your thanks to Mr. Columbus. He's no technological inspiration, but pseudo-discovering America will do for a day off.

Quickie.

2011-09-20T02:09:00.000-05:00

So, it's now 2 am Tuesday, but since my Monday has yet to end, here goes nothing ...
*Weddings. My cousin, Ty, and his beautiful and talented new wife, Melissa, got married this weekend. Girl outdid herself on the planning, and it was an extravaganza - to which my incredibly kind and thoughtful cousin pointed out to the entire crowd (he'll make an amazing husband!). They wowed us with their dance moves, but more importantly with their love. I never cease to enjoy people watching at weddings, because those who really mean it in their relationship - from old to young - show it in their eyes at a wedding reception. Beautiful.
*Deadlines. I've been trying to treat my homework like a paper deadline, and in typical Kate Johnson fashion, I just finished my assignment 13 minutes before it was due. Apparently that's all part of the return to college ... or in learning to finally grow out of procrastination.
*Blogs. Two of my favorite bloggers returned from a short hiatus in the last few days, and I was incredibly excited to catch up on what's new to them. Welcome back to blogland Katie (http://perkytoafault.com/) and Liz (http://runninglizard.wordpress.com/). I've missed your wit in my everyday routine!
*TV. For the record, I'm not at all a fan of Mike & Molly, and I loved the lineup of Two and a Half Men followed by 2 Broke Girls tonight. Think I can convince CBS to leave it this way so I can settle in for an hour of laughter after putting the little one to bed on Mondays?
*Bad style days. Today, by about 9 am, I realized that I was having one of "those" days - you know, the kind where you wish you could go home and change your clothes because you're not only uncomfortable in what you've put on but also know it's not at all flattering. Perhaps I shouldn't test the style inspiration Gods by waking up at 7:05 when I should leave by 7:20 ...
Happy week!

Monday, what?

2011-09-13T00:30:00.000-05:00

So I forgot last week.
OK, I didn't forget, I simply pushed off the inevitable of blogging for my own sheer pleasure of being lazy. Truth. It wasn't my fault. It hung around here all week like a bad cold. I'm still trying to find someone to blame for passing it along.
This week, however, I'm back to my normal self with an array of randomness filling this crazy over-stimulated mind:
*9/11. Yesterday, my husband insisted on watching footage all day. While I know there is strength built in remembering, I couldn't help but want to forget. For all of those who lived it thoroughly and relive it on a daily basis, I cannot imagine. Even now, I find myself attempting to rush through this portion of the post, but ... We will never forget.
*Word of the Day. I practically live on Dictionary.com, and as I looked for just the right synonym while putting together a response for some school work tonight (which is of course due tonight), I happened to notice the word of the day in the upper left corner.
Dilatory: Given to, or marked by, procrastination or delay.
Yep. Completely appropriate.
To which I promptly signed up for the Word of the Day e-mail so I can at least describe myself more astutely in the future when my habits become less dilatory.
*Breeeezy. Did you know it's fall? Like, throw on a hoodie and jeans perfect. Did I say hoodie? Wait. Strategically-purchased cape and skinny jeans with riding boots instead? Do you sense an upcoming post? Let's just say I revamped my inspiration boards nearly two weeks ago without posting a sneak peak. Stay tuned!
*Car care. My car is beyond dirty and needs not only an exterior scrub down but some serious interior TLC. Driving home tonight, windows down, music blaring, sun setting on my heavily-dusted dashboard, I concluded it was time. The question is, how much do I have to pay my husband to keep his comments about the spot of Greek yogurt on the rubber floor mat and miscellaneous pop drips to himself? Maybe I'd best just tackle it on a lunch hour solo.
*Handy handbag. I've been attempting to hunt down a feasibly-sized day clutch all summer to no avail. I wanted something large enough to carry my calendar, but not something that felt like I was carrying around a Trapper Keeper (remember those?). Nothing, nothing, nothing - oh wait! A perfectly-sized but awkwardly chain-strapped quilted purse from Limited has been sitting idle in my closet since I gave up on letting the strap annoy me terribly last winter. Solution? A pair of wire cutters and a cute scarf later, girl's got herself a working day-time clutch. I decided to give myself another pat on the back for this one on my way out of work tonight and felt the need to share.

Happy work week!

Forgotten feature.

2011-09-04T11:33:00.000-05:00

My brain is all on fashion today, and as I was cleaning up some old pics, e-mails and blog stuff, I came across this little gem ...

I don't think I shared this shot after I took it, but my latest go-to has been stacks of jewels, from loading up my wrist to trying my best to work double-hoops with my second earring holes. I'm feeling very overloaded for fall, and it's carrying over into my style habits.
This locked my daily go-to cuff, the pearl bracelet I got for being president of AGD in college and then wore at my wedding, my "one day at a time" bracelet and a new Lia Sophia purchase. It will make a repeat appearance, no doubt.
Hope everyone's enjoying the long weekend - this girl certainly is!

Higher expectations.

2011-08-30T06:26:00.000-05:00

"Whatever you do, don't let others' lower expectations replace the highest that you hold for yourself."

I couldn't sleep last night, even after I dragged my exhausted body to bed.
I lay tossing and turning, the quote above running laps in my head.
Despite the fact that I seem to have a particularly painful grudge against my job right now, I adore my boss.
She is as poised and well-spoken as any woman I've ever met, smart and keen and yet has such a sincerely good heart.
She spoke the words above to me on Friday, when I schlepped into her office at the end of a another draining week, thanking her profusely for being patient as I find balance in the new roles I've been given.
She was consoling me, not judging, but rather sharing a lesson-learned for surviving just such times.
I haven't been able to stop thinking these words since.
They feel so grounded to the root of my current disappointment, and while I knew they meant so much more, until the stars aligned with my thoughts last night, I couldn't quite see the results clearly.
This morning, here are the ways I intend to put these words to good use:
*Work effort. True, others get by with it. They manage to half-ass their way through projects and roles, taking on more because they are giving less. Today, I will be real with myself and others about what is on my plate and the expectations they can have in the results I will deliver - both in the quality and realistic time frame. Additionally, I will expect the best out of them - the highest of what I know they are truly capable. I will not accept from them what they would not accept from me.
*Dress. Yes, I live in Bureau County. However, I frequently downplay my style for fear of looking like I'm "trying too hard" or spending beyond my means. Today, I will dress as if I were walking to an office at Conde Nast in the heart of the city, expressing myself and pushing the envelope with something new and different. I will put thought into the choices I make, rather than grabbing the first shirt I can throw on with the pants that happen to top the clean laundry pile. I will tempt and test the creative side of my brain.
*Health. No, it's not cool to eat well and drink less. Nor is it something I always particularly enjoy. However, I will appreciate my fall wardrobe fitting less snug than last year and am already reaping the mental benefits of an early-morning jog. The journey to better health feels never-ending, because it is. I find myself rolling with the hills of success and plateau more fluidly than in the past, but still have moments of stagnant annoyance with my efforts. Today, I will make positive choices for positive results.
*Family. Love on. For the three hours that I truly get to spend with them today, I will love on. I will, obviously, expect my child to mind and my husband to help, but I will also settle into the time I have with them in a more relaxed fashion - seated close with a cup of tea rather than with a dish wand in hand and one ear in their direction. I will smile, and laugh, and let them do the same before I scurry them to clean up and make things neat. We may even just bravely leave the living room a mess of toys when we head to bed ... well, we'll just see how the day goes, anyway.
I'm sad to say it won't be easy.
I have become so ground into my routine of saying "yes, no problem, I'll have that right back to you."
I have become so driven by the moment at the end of the night when I can snuggle into bed with a clean home.
I have become so comfortable knowing that rather than stand out, I can simply mix in.
But today, I will do my best, to expect my best.
Happy Tuesday, friends.

60-minute rehab.

2011-08-29T20:56:00.000-05:00

Today was a really long day, which included about 3 hours of meetings, having to get another box of Kleenex for my desk (thank you, allergies), a child bathed and in PJs but covered in Cheetos 10 minutes before bedtime (thank you, husband) and now a stack of work that really, really needs to get done before I walk back through the office doors tomorrow.
Despite, all of this, I'm going to jump in the shower and then spend the next 60 minutes turning my thoughts around with ...

*magazines. September issues are here, which means July MUST be on its way out. What a terrible task at hand, flipping through pictures of amazing items for the next hour. I'm on a particularly focused hunt for easy-to-wear shirts at the moment - you know - the kind that I can throw on under jackets for work that don't shout 'TURN ME IN FOR WEARING A T-SHIRT'!
*Seinfeld. There is not a single thing about Seinfeld that I don't love. It doesn't matter how many times I've seen the episode or how little is actually going on, the humor gets me every time.
*chocolate milk. Tonight we were talking about chocolate milk, and now I have a fever for a tall glass of cold chocolate milk with bubbles in it. And by bubbles, I mean stirred so vigorously it would make a martini jealous.
*Zyrtec-D. No, one should not be so excited about medication, but if you were to see the pile of tissues around me, you would know it's worth the added thrill.
*Lancome Genifique Eye. My peepers are sure to look as exhausted as I am in the morning after a day like today (not to mention the night to come!). Better be sure to give them a little extra boost.
Four days until a three-day weekend ... let the countdown begin!

Smokey Row.

2011-08-24T23:04:00.000-05:00

The anticipation built all week, and I hoped it wouldn't be awkward or shy.
I should have known the end result would be a fantastic event of exciting comfort.
Becky met me just outside the doors of the Royal Amsterdam Hotel in Pella on Saturday, and I greeted her with open arms.
As luck would have it, my cousin's wedding led me to the tulip town of approximately 9,999 ... plus one dear friend.
Even after a year and a half, her smile was just as welcoming as I'd remembered - the hellos as if we'd had afternoon tea every day for years before.
The funny thing about our relationship is we seemed to be friends from the instant without trying.
Becky and I just happened to be on the same floor. She was in customer service, I in correspondent banking, and our days interacted only by purposeful intervention.
She made an effort to say hi to me, and I to her.
Looking back, I almost feel as if we never even really spoke, but yet always seemed to know what the other was thinking or intending.
We rolled our eyes at the same draining negativity each day, promoted each others' love of Starbucks on mutual Saturday morning shifts and other than that, pretty much just co-existed with the understanding we were meant to be friends.
On Saturday, she led me through the streets of Pella to Smokey Row Coffee, an absolutely adorable shop. We settled into a booth with lattes and the most amazing muffins, and opened the flood gates of sharing.
The best thing about opening up with a friend you knew you were meant to have is there's no fear of judgement.
We talked about life and jobs, families and faith.
We opened up about our fears and uttered in words the strengths we're typically too afraid to speak aloud.
The dreams and hopes, hurts and heartaches, swirled seamlessly from one to the next.
As the conversation led to reading, we strolled toward her mom's bookstore down the street, and then our ways eventually parted.
Of course, with smiles.
Of course, with hugs.
I've thought about that morning so often this week.
The way the clock seemed to slow - but more importantly, the way we made an effort to help time draw on and really drink in the conversation, the discussion, the friendship.
I don't do that often.
I don't pause to breathe because I'm too worried about what my next move needs to be - what else is on the list, where else I need to be, who else might need my hand.
As it turns out, sometimes I need a hand, too.
A gentle reminder that life's not just about the who and where, but also the what and how.
I like to blame it on my job, to pretend if I stayed at home each day, I would be a better mother, caretaker, baker, wife and friend.
So many situations lately have led me to a better understanding - to the awareness that it's not about where I spend my days, but rather how I choose to spend them.
Whether or not I choose to be present in my own life.
What am I doing to really take in the fantastic hand I've been dealt?
How can I make a bigger effort to slow down and soak it all in?
But, of course, there is no true answer.
All we can do is hope that every now and then, we settle into a cozy booth, with a cup of coffee, good company and an 'aha' moment.

September satisfaction.

2011-08-24T06:07:00.000-05:00

The September issue.
The annual fashion bible of style and product junkies everywhere, it takes up more space in the mailbox than any other possible delivery.
Today, I received not only my Vogue and Elle September issues, but also my copy of "The Dynamics of Fashion."

Now I just need to make time for the grand openings!

Reversing muckday.

2011-08-22T21:19:00.000-05:00

Right now, I'm watching "Diners, Drive-Ins and Drives," with my favorite mug full of chocolate milk, surrounded by a ridiculous amount of toys, a tent, a sink full of dirty dishes, an overflowing hamper of dirty laundry and a stupid annoying fly.
I'm doing my best to get over it.
Well, actually, that's a lie.
I'm having a pity party of one today, where I can't seem to pull my head out of my self-absorbed world of "why can't I get it together" blues written to a "how am I ever going to get it right" melody.
Essentially, I'm just being a melodramatic baby.
How unlike me on a Monday, right?
And yet, this little vow to come up with something positive on this particular weekday has turned out to be a real keeper to begin my week.
And so - here's the way my brain's ticking toward an upspin for the next few days:
*give thanks. I dropped two thank you cards in the mail today. They were for the genuine kindness of others and were by far the highlight of my day. I love sending people notes, because I feel there's something to be said for slowing down, breaking out a pen and making the effort to give something tangible. Sure, I could have just called, but that would have taken about 15 seconds. To send a note means breaking out the stationary, picking just the right words and getting that bad-boy into the crazy process that is the USPS. Winning.
*hair apparent. A while back I ordered this tube of magic:

Bb. Texture Hair (Un) Dressing Creme

At first I struggled with whether it was actually doing anything to my hair, other than making the ends awkwardly sticky. The trick, however, was learning where to apply (roots, especially at the crown and bangs) and how much (as little as possible, but enough for hold).

I'm now a full-blown addict and am convinced the longer I use it, the easier it makes my hair. Looove.

*Weighing in. Because my focus so far this summer had been primarily on exercise, I'd been getting kind of lax in my eating (and drinking!) habits. A WeightWatchers girl for nearly two years now, it was time to refocus heading into the fall, and I did just that. Solid weigh in Sunday, tracked food today and working on a good grocery list for this weekend's to do list. That end of year goal will be here before I know it!

*Stripped. My nails are still in rehab from a set of acrylic nails, and this weekend I'd had enough staring at their bare ridges and awkward groves. I slicked on a few coats of a matte nude polish and instantly I was less distracted. Looking back, it makes sense that any shimmer would have accented their current texture, but hindsight is 20/20, and they now look like a perfect 10.

*Yada,yada,yada. I've been giving three training sessions a day at work since last Wednesday for a project I've been working for months on. Tomorrow is the last day of sessions, and no one is more excited than I am. I'm so tired of hearing myself talk about this project, not to mention annoying the others in my room with my mindless product drivel. MOVING ON!

Time to get back to my to do list ... determined to organize my way to a fabulous Tuesday!

Sweet sheet.

2011-08-17T21:31:00.000-05:00

This will be short, because this awaits ...

For years, my bedroom was my solace.
My mom was wonderful about encouraging us to let our rooms reflect our interests, and that carried with me long through college and my first home.
Since my husband, however, is of the theory that "a bedroom was meant only for sleeping," I've done little during the last few years to create the comfort zone to which I'd become so accustomed.
A few weeks ago, I finally decided to part with the torn and tattered bedspread keeping us warm at night.
It was white on one side, incredibly faded black on the other, and the seams had ripped open in at least three places.
While browsing around for a bedspread, I determined perhaps I could also splurge on a new set of sheets as well that cost more than $15 and actually fit the mattress appropriately.
A little mixing and matching later (I don't do "matchey-matchey" anything), we now have a kelly green bedspread I adore, with contrasting flat sheet and fitted sheet.
And since my husband's out for the night, I figure why not settle into this sweet little spot for a good blog and magazine session.
Nighty-night!

Backasswards good night.

2011-08-15T22:42:00.000-05:00

Today was one of those where 10 minutes up you know you should have a Connie-Hahne do-over.
You know, the kind where you try to start out on the right foot, but it just won't work, so before you know it, your mother is saying, "Either turn that frown upside down now, or head back to your bed and start this day over."
It's a good lesson. One, I've complained about for years but will no doubt use with my son one day and am sorry to admit that I've already attempted with my husband a time or two.
Everyone in this house could have used another hour of sleep this morning, which was apparent as we all grumped it out the door, and arriving at work, I found nothing different.
I had no more logged into my computer before the sky started falling, and all I could imagine were the days I was in college and didn't have to worry about whether someone had lost the luxury of dual monitors. When I was on maternity leave, there were no customer complaints (in my house, a husband without dinner ready when immediately in the door doesn't count).
Thankful for lunch with a friend, I trudged through the rest of the afternoon, and made it home to a lawn chair, a cold beer and my two boys covered head-to-toe in the dirt around a stump my husband was convinced he could cut out at 5 pm but had strategically reburied instead by 7 pm.
Sometimes I wish I could pause the nights. I hate that I spend 9 hours a day doing all I can for those I can and get really only about 3 hours a day with the ones I love most.
Throw in a 30-minute morning of grumpies, one post-dinner "loud talking conversation" over who is doing the dishes yet again, a screaming fit thrown because every bath toy in the house must make it in the tub, and I'm left with bedtime.
But oh how I love bedtime.
I love the routine - pjs, two books, night-night to the tractor wall hangings in size order (we're learning big, bigger, biggest) and good night prayer. I adore the moment he giggles as I lean over (onto) his crib railing to kiss him goodnight, knowing full well one of these nights I'm likely to bring the entire thing down.
I love that before one of us head to bed, we do our best to make peace, to hug, to say goodnight and "I love you," even when we're bringing out each others' worst.
And on the height of that love ... these are the thoughts I raked through and will put to rest on this Monday night:
*ouch. So, I did it - finished the Rock 'n' Roll Chicago Half Marathon in 2:50:55, despite the fact that Bret Michaels was a no show. Now, that's an accomplishment. I placed 13,282 out of 15,259 - but being my first half-marathon, the way my training plan ended and everything else I've had going on in the midst, it felt a little bit like first place. Where does the "ouch" come in? Of all things to be in pain the next day, my toenails are freaking killing me. How much you ask? I chose flats today. OUCH.
*dress rehearsal. I have a family wedding to attend this weekend and am torn on what to wear. I have a great green dress I wore to a wedding earlier this summer or a really classy black dress provided by a friend. Hmm ... decisions, decisions.
*shine on.

STEVE MADDEN "Scandall" Glitter Peeptoe Pumps

Speaking of weddings, I was looking at this pair of Maddens for another wedding and now cannot stop thinking about them. Fingers crossed they
eventually drop in price a little, because I have already planned a handful of outfits to wear them with.
*paper stacks. They're surrounding me right now. Information and projects at work, bills and follow-ups at home. Ugh - so tired of paper!
*coffee. Last, but not least, I'm trying to put a positive spin on the rest of the week already by planning ahead for a good cup of coffee before work tomorrow morning. Here's hoping $2 will turn my week around!

Routine mayhem.

2011-08-09T21:59:00.000-05:00

Since I spent my Monday in bed with some serious stomach misery, today was my return to the work week.
As previously announced, a new attitude of welcoming the craziness is in play for August.
Here's the quick list hitting my brain today:

*goal week. Here it is - the week of the Rock 'n' Roll Chicago Half Marathon. Months ago, I dedicated myself to participating, and I'm less than a week from the festivities. My goal is simple: Finish. I have no more than 3 1/2 hours to haul my happy ass 13.1 miles to a finish line thousands of true athletes have crossed in front of me. There will be jogging. There will be some walking. Fingers crossed there will be no "you're too slow" shuttle involved, but I will do nothing less than my very best to finish.
*Sex & The City. It's on Style tonight, and I can't get enough. I watched every episode in a matter of one semester of free On Demand and have been hooked ever since. Pink t-strap Manolo's? Yes, please!
*sad sweets. When I picked up my Bix packet, I snagged a free Hostess cupcake. It had been sitting in our cupboard as my reward for finishing, but since I didn't end up participating, tonight I decided to dive in. Turns out ... it wasn't that great. So "ungreat," in fact, that after three bites, the rest found its way to the garbage. For some reason, I remembered Hostess cupcakes as being a fantastic little indulgence. This was more like dry cupcake with a non-stick frosting. Upside? I won't be grabbing another anytime soon.
*writing. I'm working on creating a portfolio of my writing pieces, and the thought of it has me a tad overwhelmed. After all - what do I have to be nervous about? It's only someone judging my everything, right?
*mag make-up. My August magazines arrived late last week - time to get through the June and July issues currently holding down my endtable.
Time to get back to it - lots left before this day ends!

Weekend zap.

2011-08-07T21:54:00.000-05:00

This weekend turned out to be amazing despite the fact that a few of my plans went awry.
While I didn't make it to the 5k or the farmer's market (sad face), I did:
*go crazy cleaning and rearranging our house.
*make incredible brownies from scratch.
*max out the potential at The Limited with a bag of great purchases.
*get all of my new bedding washed and put into place, and ...
*plan out a timeline for my week and for getting back on schedule and track.
I'm hoping this week plays nicely, considering:
*my bosses are back after two weeks solo.
*I'm participating in a half marathon on Sunday.
*my Lia Sophia order needs to be wrapped up.
*my enormous paperwork pile needs to be tackled and submitted, and ...
*I really, really need to focus on getting back on schedule and track.
Here's looking at a new day!

Typical Tuesday.

2011-08-02T21:52:00.000-05:00

Tonight was grocery night.

Yes.
This is how we all feel about it.
There is something incredibly American about loading up the car with a ridiculous amount of overpriced, cardboard-packed, processed food.
It is almost embarrassing, really.
Not quite the same type of embarrassing as the overactive child heaving cans of Great Value Petite Diced Tomatoes overboard, of course, but ever slightly shameful nonetheless.
And while I like to make myself feel better by buying as many whole grains and lean meats as possible, the fact of the matter is that my light multigrain english muffins and whole wheat pasta are taking up just as much space and money as their white flour counterparts.
At least they have some health props, though, right?
The only bonus of the trip was that I opted out of promoting the poor quality Wal-Mart produce, which means I have to head to the Davenport Farmer's Market again this weekend!
What's better than an early morning 5k followed by a trip for fresh home grown goods on a Saturday morning? Not a whole lot!
I've been conjuring my plan for going back since my first visit a few weekends ago, and it's definitely giving me something to look forward to this week.
I love the authenticity of the providers, the mobs of people smelling the produce and the gentle people smiling with pride at their wares.
There's something relaxing and grounding about strolling along casually, browsing the goods and just taking it all in.
Hmm ... Wal-Mart Tuesdays and Farmer's Market Saturdays ... am I actually coming to some type of fair sharing in this nutty world of mine?

Balancing the unbalanced.

2011-08-01T23:34:00.000-05:00

Mondays are my excuse.
I use them 7 days a week, throwing out phrases like, "Sorry, I'm having a Monday on a Wednesday," more often than the word "fantastic." And that is ... well, way too much.
Making them go away isn't an option, though, so in this brand new month of August, I'm aiming to embrace them.
They are crazy and wild and overwhelming.
They find me swirling in thoughts of "how will I get this all done before the weekend," and "why didn't I get to this last week."
I make a to do list that inevitably migrates through to the following beginning, and rather than freaking out or working a sleepless night, I'm recapping the craze this month.
At least, that is the plan.
So here - for your judging pleasure - is a mild sampling of the chaos that rushed my brain today ...

*lia sophia. I'm not usually into at-home parties, but the very chic Whitney Moon soon-to-be Warkins hit me up, and in my weakness for girl time, I'm jumped on the bandwagon. The girl knows her jewelry, has done her homework and was an excellent consultant when I was picking out my host piece, so she's already working an A in my book. Want to jump in on the action? Visit her site here, then click on "Browse our jewelry," and put my name in the "Lookup your hostess" area. If you're anything like me, you'll be scoping the Luna ring, the black leather wrap bracelet and stiletto earrings. Get started browsing the Fall/Winter 2011 catalog now, while I work on my Monday woe ... when will I clean the house and what fun food and drinks can I come up with before Sunday? I'll be sure to share!
*jog & blog. My two favorites. In discussing my training plan - or lack-thereof - for the upcoming half marathon, I felt the wrath of my own judgement as I heard myself say aloud, "I really settled in well at about 4 miles because I can get it done without feeling guilty for taking too much time for myself - and I just really haven't pushed past that very well." Wah wah waaaah. Hey smart girl - the whole point to locking into the half was to set a goal for yourself and do it despite everything you give to others in your life. Step up! So when the alarm went off at 5 am this morning, the laces were crossed. As for blogging ... first post of the month. Check!
*e-mails. I used to love them. Adore them, even. I manhandled them in an instant and sorted, fine-tuned and responded ASAP. Unfortunately, post-job change and vacation, not to mention completely ignoring my home e-mail for some time now, I am feeling incredibly off my techy-game. I am happy to report, however, I cleared my gmail inbox and "to do" labels, leaving me highly motivated to get to work early and clear out the 80+ e-mails lingering at the end of today.
All-in-all - not a bad little beast of a day!

Quick block.

2011-07-25T22:17:00.002-05:00

Quick post - The spring lines were full of colorblocking, vibrant pinks and corals against oranges and yellows. Apparently, the trend continues with muted tones into the autumn, as I spotted these shirts at J.Crew and The Limited.

J.Crew - Perfect-fit colorblock tee

The Limited - Colorblock Crewneck Sweater

Fall wishlist?
Check!

Keep it light.

2011-07-24T22:15:00.000-05:00

When I browse the J. Crew site, my first stop is always "Jenna's picks."
Jenna Lyons has been the executive creative director and president at J. Crew since mid-2010 and has gained incredible street credit for her own amazing, yet laid back, style.
The stuff hidden in this link never ceases to provide combinations of pieces I would not have considered on my own, and I love trying to play along with what's in my own closet.

Jenna's picks - J.CREW

My favorite combo today was both single and multi-tonal, in that while all yellow - it's not all the same yellow. To top it off, the pop of fuchsia on the feet feels summery, but the rust jacket brings a statement of what's to come with fall.

The caption makes note of the material contrasts as well, and it really made me think.

I've worked t-shirts with jackets to bring it down a notch, but never considered a less-structured top with a pencil skirt.

The last pencil skirts I bought were nice, but I had them with all the wrong pieces. I bought collared button-downs to tuck neatly in. A great look - just not great for me.

They didn't match my body shape, proportion or personality at all.

I felt all business, and no smiles.

It was an impulse closet-fill, really, in a post-"professional attire" talk from my boss. I was mortified by the apparent lack of professionalism in my disposition and opted to try to be someone by posing as that girl.

I agree whole-heartedly in dressing for the job you want, not the one you have.

I don't, however, think that means you have to completely compromise who you are, and I love that the combination here feels every bit me and also doesn't break the dress code.

Perhaps the time has come to work skirts back into work.

Accepting the cost.

2011-07-22T18:07:00.000-05:00

We had a heart-to-heart.
Me.
The husband.
My attitude.
I've been going through a spell of extreme frugality.
Don't misunderstand - I firmly believe in saving and living within one's means.
I believe in keeping your ducks in a row, paying bills early and budgeting every last penny to the appropriate usable function (keeping in mind, caffeine and Subway have their own category and allotment).
I believe in putting away as much money as the government allows for my son to someday go to college.
I believe in contributing as much to my 401k as will be matched.
I believe in keeping spare change in a jug to later deposit into a savings account for those rainy days when we're paying unexpected ER bills, taking last-minute trips or sending flowers just to remind a friend how much I care on a day that's not going so well.
I intend to keep all of these values.
However, it was brought to my attention that we don't all work this way, nor do we have to.
My husband is of the opposite opinion, in that saving is necessary, planning is essential, but spending also has its place.
Shiny rims for a trailer, something new here and there, an extra night out without a second thought or guilt.
And, as it turns out, my contradicting view doesn't come with a "get resentful free" card.
The truth is, we both work hard and should also enjoy that a little.
Over time, and somehow through giving birth, I managed to lose sight of this.
I had become so consumed with what we "could have twenty years from now" through saving, that I'd become oblivious to ruining my current enjoyment for all we have.
So this week, I made a change.
I bought something.
Actually, I bought several somethings, including - but not limited to - these shorts and this candle I'd been lusting after at Anthropologie and bedding for our bedroom at Bed, Bath & Beyond (I won't even start to share pictures of our current tattered bedding I've been using since college).
I won't break my rules - because they are true to me - but it's worth noting that my attitude has changed a bit since loosening my purse strings.
It's not about what I won't do, it's about giving myself a break to re-establish a sense of reality.
To remember others aren't required to act a certain way just because I do.
To stop worrying about what others think.
To remember that expressing yourself - which I believe so strongly in doing - comes at the price of a dollar every now and then.
Because without that, I'm just hanging on a soap box of my own making.

Cityscape.

2011-07-18T14:42:00.000-05:00

Last weekend (as in 9 days ago, not 2) I went to Chicago with my mom and sister.
It doesn't take much to get me to the city, and this trip was no exception, as we were going to the Oriental Theatre for a play.
While I love the serenity that living in the country brings, there's something so riveting about the much-beaten path of the cityscape.
We got downtown on Sunday about mid-day and made our way to to the theatre to make sure we were close when the doors opened.
Because we had a bit of time before the curtains opened, we strolled around the corner to a quaint little place called Atwood Cafe.

We sat on the street patio and enjoyed the best bloody mary I've ever had. It was sunny, the sidewalk was bustling and we were snuggled in the midst of it all. It couldn't have been more perfect.
After seeing Beauty and the Beast in all its live glory (and it was truly amazing!), we headed down the street to find another cocktail and an appetizer.
We ended along the river at Smith & Wollensky for martinis and chilled cocktails. While there, we ordered the baby heirloom tomatoes and buffalo mozzarella. I've gotten more brave in trying new foods over the years, and this fresh mozzarella was amazing!
Though a little pricey, the view was worth every penny (thanks, Mom!). There was a gentle breeze and the atmosphere along the river among the city was just fantastic.
The rest of the night included more food and drinks, which required sleeping in during the big storm the next morning.
On Monday, we walked Michigan Avenue, which I can never seem to get enough of. I managed to pick up a few things for the munchkin at H & M, but in typical fashion bought nothing for myself.
I must make special note to these shorts at Anthropologie, though.

Seeing Spots Shorts - Anthropologie

I haven't stopped thinking about the things I "should have" picked up there, since walking out, and these shorts made the top of the list.

Perhaps one of these days, I'll break out of my spending rut.

But for now, I'll just continue to admire from the sidelines.

After Michigan, we headed back out to the burbs to take my sister home and hit up Trader Joe's for my first organic experience.

I could, without a doubt, see myself shopping there regularly if we had one around home.

There's nothing more appealing that the thought of filling my family full of tasty, good-for-you foods.

Overall, it was a fantastic weekend with two of my very favorite people, and I can't wait for our next trip!

Slow settle-free Sunday.

2011-07-17T07:46:00.000-05:00

This morning, I rolled out of bed like I had nothing but time.

Sure, I have lots to do, but somehow, knowing that my alarm won't go off to begin that same routine again tomorrow, the list feels different.
It's already warm this morning, so I filled my favorite mug (a tattered Casey's refill mug that's molded perfectly to my hand after years of use) with ice cold water and headed to the living room to nestle into my favorite chair.
As I sat in the silence for a moment, I decided to take a new approach to today.
The question is - ideally - favorite-day-ever scenerio - what would I do first?
Easy. Lazily scan my favorite blogs.
And with genie-like quickness, it was done.
Why not do, exactly as I want for once, rather than what I feel I should do.
In case I've never mentioned it, here's must list of daily 'must have' blogness:
*perky to a fault
*cupcakes and cashmere.
*enjoying the small things
*Running Lizard
*Atlantic-Pacific
They are representative of the things I do and love - the things I currently feel I am, but even more the things I expect myself to become. I live vicariously through their words, their images, their adventures. And yet, I relate as if they are mine in this very moment.
This morning, I stumbled upon another blog Preppy Pink Crocodile. And while, in browsing around, I'm not sure it's quite got that "thing" to be my every day affection - I couldn't help but love everything about this post (I Settled And I Don't Like It).
I'll even go so far as to say, it made my day.
I printed it as a keepsake for my less-favorite days.
Settling feels like a four-letter word, and I tend to cross it so often.
Here's to 10 days of pure focus on not settling, bravery and getting knee-deep in life.

Vacation from the norm.

2011-07-16T11:41:00.000-05:00

I am "officially" on vacation.
That's right - no work for 10 days, and I am ready to settle into a lazy routine, re-establish a sense of whimsy (OK, perhaps "establish" one) and do some things I typically only talk about accomplishing.
This morning, on the hottest morning all summer, I opted to take advantage of a fridge full of vegetables ... and make soup.

That's right. Soup.
I rarely complain about a fridge full of vegetables, but we're getting ready to spend some quality family time out and about, and I can't possibly let them go to waste.
Typically, I would wait until they were rotten about mid-next week, throw them out, then complain about always wasting money on vegetables and mentally reprimand myself over and over for not using them more regularly.
Not this time - they're going to be put to use and frozen for those mid-winter nights when a cup of fresh vegetables couldn't be more inviting.
I searched online through various vegetable soup recipes, and opted to combine several that included ingredients I had here at home. It ended something like this:
1 can tomato sauce
1 zuccini
1 green pepper
1 cup chopped carrots
1 onion (fresh from my father-in-law's garden!)
1 cup green beans (also, fresh from my father-in-law's garden!)
4 small Yukon Gold potatoes
4 cups beef broth
3 T parsley (fresh from my parsley plant out back, courtesy of my mom!)
1 T minced garlic
Salt
Pepper
My kitchen smells amazing, and while there's a mess to clean up, I'm pleasantly surprised by my lack of annoyance with the creative mess.
The only thing that could have made it more perfect were if I had picked up that really cute apron at Anthropologie I was eying while we were downtown last week ... more details on that trip to come!

Centered and celebrating.

2011-06-26T12:50:00.000-05:00

I've been playing nurse to a wounded hubby since last Friday, and it's got me feeling a little (OK a LOT) on the "can't-keep-up-ridiculously-overwhelmed" side.
We have great friends and family who have made special, and multiple, appearances, but despite it having been only 9 days, it feels a bit like we've been trapped in this house for an eternity.
I've been short on time at work in tending to things here, and the responsibilities both there and here continue to loom like a cloud.
I'm incredibly thankful that we are now in our new home, as it's providing ample space and breathing room since the love and I don't particularly fare at our best in times of intense togetherness and stress.
We're hanging in, though, and I'm particularly focused on being tremendously thankful that things are no worse off than they are and trying to take deep breaths as I have to utter the words "unfortunately I haven't," "no thank you," or "I'm sorry I/we won't be making it."
While I have no doubt others understand, I hate to not be stepping up to the plate.
In an effort to not be such a neurotic, spastic freak about things this week, I've settled in here with a "big pop" (AKA 32 oz of Diet Pepsi bliss) while the rest of my house is napping.

Time to center thoughts for the week, make a plan, pay some bills and just take a deep breath.
Have a fantastic week all!

p.s. HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY to my brother!
While I'm sure he wishes I were more of a sister than a mother, he'll never know how proud I am of the person he's become and how much I truly appreciate the amount of sunshine he brings to my life.
Cheers!

Starting again.

2011-06-23T00:07:00.000-05:00

I could write for hours.
But reading ... it's a pain point.
I love the action of reading - taking in words to create images in my own mind, building scenes with my own creativity from another's inspiration.
But I hate the time it takes to read.
Despite more than 25 years of experience, even majoring in English and spending hours and days doing it, I am sad to admit I am a slow reader.
I focus on every little thing - the grammar, diction, word choice - and before I know it, I've read the same sentence 12 times and gotten nowhere.
Yet, I am convinced I will conquer this hurdle, as is displayed by the incredible volume of books I own in an effort to lure myself into a relaxing, informative hobby.

D.V.

I started this book last weekend, for about the fourth time, and I am struggling with it yet again.
Diana Vreeland was "a noted columnist and editor in the field of fashion. She worked for the fashion magazines Harper's Bazaar and Vogue and the Costume Institute of the Metropolitan Museum of Art." (per the ever-available Wikipedia)
She's frequently quoted in magazines, blogs and openly discussed on a regular basis by those in the fashion industry.
After all - who doesn't respect a woman who insists "You gotta have style. It helps you get up in the morning. It's a way of life. Without it you're nobody. And I'm not talking about a lot of clothes."
Additionally, this "autobiography" has received rave reviews.
While the foreword wasn't completely undesirable, chapter one is a recount of an interaction with Jack Nicholson (dreamboat of the time, of course), his vulgar humor and ... his backside.
It conveys DV's conviction for great posture and a late-night hunt for a back brace for Nicholson.
I found myself frequently flipping through to count how many pages were left in the chapter ... wah wah waaaah.
Here's hoping chapter two is more entertaining ...

Flipping pages.

2011-06-18T14:33:00.000-05:00

After my online shopping mishap, I had a bit of a panic.
We have a busy summer, I have an empty closet, and I have the worst online shopping luck.
Crud.
How ever will I fill my poor closet with fashionable summer duds?!?
I decided perhaps I just didn't get the right "vibe" looking online.
Maybe I need to flip the pages to truly make a connection with a new summer wardrobe.
So what did my little typically "go paperless" heart do?
I signed up for catalogs.

I'm sure in a J. Crew boardroom next month some catalog design team owner will point out my contribution to the secured need for his job in our ever-increasingly web-based world.
And I have no doubt that the Walnut postmaster thought - "Really? More crap for this lady's mailbox?"
But I must say, despite my attachment to glossy magazines, I don't know that I've ever purposely requested a catalog.
I am, however, incredibly glad that I did.
I opened it cautiously, with the care and attention I treat all of my magazine browsing, and tried to take in everything on every page.
I noticed the wide variety of patterns in the featured button-downs, recognizing a number of them from blogs and ads.
I admired the buttery leather of the "Marlow Hobo," and found myself enchanted by the J. Peterman-esque descriptions ("...inspired by antique chesterfield sofas ..").
I took in the entirety of the head-to-toe looks.
And fell head-over-heels for this ...

Eddie Borgo at J.Crew wide cone and pearl cuff

I make a habit of wearing cuffs on a daily basis, particularly a silver knotted one I got from my sister for Christmas.
During last weekend's wedding extravaganza, this piece would have certainly fit the bill for edgy, yet classy, and I love that it's a neutral leather - rather than a harder black.
Additionally, I was pleased to have proven my own point.
Part of what drew me to this piece was the pearls. I don't typically wear pearls, but the contrast they play with the two metals is fantastic.
In the view online, however, the pearls are barely visible, clearly focusing more on the edginess of the studs. It would never have caught my eye.
I think it's safe to say I'll be keeping many a paper-promoting career in business in the near future.

With a twist.

2011-06-13T00:12:00.000-05:00

"Everything you want in the world is just right outside your comfort zone."

This may very easily be my favorite quote, as provided by Jennifer Aniston to the December 2008 Vogue.
It brings to mind the truth that when we settle into who, what or where we are our in lives, it's easy to let everything else feel elusive - until we're ready to push ourselves just that little bit further.
I also love that it applies to personal style.
Now, I should note that wearing something out of your comfort zone also means it will very likely be out of the normalcy that those around you know - and you may have some explaining to do.
I have become more accustomed to these questions during the last few years - frequently revolving around my mile-high shoe collection.
I've learned to smile politely, hold my head high and proudly attest that walking in 5-inch Steve Madden stilettos is simply second nature.
And it is - because after taking a risk on a daily basis for quite some time, the need for bravery just seemed to fall away, and heels are now my comfort zone.
The last few days, while out and about on a wedding weekend, I had some explaining to do when I paired a scarf with a t-shirt, and it brought back to my attention how I've come to add a twist to the norm to make it a little more me.
Turns I took this weekend included:
1) T-shirt with scarf - I kicked my addiction to t-shirts a few years back, but it wasn't until a trip to Texas earlier this year that I realized they don't have to fall out of my wardrobe completely. While I don't like to just toss on a t-shirt and go (I have come to terms with the fact that I can just as easily toss on a cute blouse), adding a scarf changes the casualty level immediately. I have also come to love 2) pairing a t-shirt with a fitted blazer. This one has been a frequent occasion as of late.
3) Adding heavy hardware to a girly dress. The silhouette of my party threads was pretty 1950s, so I felt the need to edge it up a bit, going with a silver cuff, bangles, a large right-hand ring and thick silver hoops.
The other thing I love about wedding weekends is seeing how others jump outside of their comfort zones. A few eye-catchers had to be mentioned:
A) Typically known for her head-to-toe look with great jewelry to boot, she went with a black spaghetti strap silk handkerchief dress with just a few sequins - sans jewels! She's rocking a great physique of late, and the dress really showed off how confident she was in just being her. Awesome!
B) This one went with a grey dress that on the hanger looked all business. But with a double-wrapped necklace with just a pop of color, it looked all polish and not at all puritan.
C) Three words ... one-strap dress! They're all over the retailers this year, and I was surprised not to see more of them. Needless to stay, a great standout.
D) Multiple madams worked chunky, collar-bone grazing necklaces. While not my thing, and particularly not with anything other than strapless, I could have made a collage of the many who pulled this one off with uber success. Kudos all around!
While standing in front of the mirror with something that seems a bit of a risk, one should always remember - it only "doesn't work" if you carry yourself with the confidence of a walking fashion convict.
Take a risk, and believe you're rocking it this week!

Office space.

2011-06-05T22:45:00.000-05:00

At "home," I had an office.
It was the perfect subtle shade of red with inspiration boards and vintage Vogue covers donning the walls, an antique trunk covered in travel stickers and a large office chair that was just mine.
In moving to the "new house," we gained a lot of space, but lost a room for one thing ... my office.
The boards and covers found a spot in the third-floor closet, the trunk now serves as an ill-fitting place to fold laundry, and "my chair" somehow managed to find its way into my husband's office, nestled neatly under his large desk in a room that is all his own.
Truth-be-told, he does need an office space much more than I do, but oh how I have missed a little hideaway to call my own.
I am aware that 90% of the house could technically be considered "mine," seeing as I tend to it, decorate it, clean it, arrange it, etc.
But there's just something to be said about having something you don't share.
I know.
That's not nice.
And as I'm currently in the phase of teaching one of my own to learn to share, it's the last thing I should be confessing to the eUniverse.
But it's true.
I want a place that I don't have to share.
And so - today, in a moment when I desperately needed an attitude adjustment - I made one.
A corner space, with this view ...

Became this "office space."

It's not in a room with a closed door where no one will ever find me ... at least not 100% of the time. It's in a remote 3rd floor bedroom we treat as a guest room (or as my son knows it, "TedTed's room").
My brother has thus far been the main inhabitant, but I figured he could spare a corner, and I could bite the bullet and take my own lesson to heart - even when we don't want to ... sometimes to get what we want in this world, we must share.
Tonight, I updated my iPod, paid bills, checked blogs and wrote, all from the discomfort of a broken wooden chair.
And it has been glorious.
The lack of cable to the room was the perfect excuse to pop in one of my favorite over-played DVDs while I finished unpacking that which came from my office, sorting books into read-to be read-why did I keep this categories, and doing all the things I used to do in the moments of the evening when I could tuck away into my room.
Though not perfect, nor all mine, I have decided that it suits me ... and now feels a little more like home.

Un-Kately ending.

2011-06-01T22:03:00.000-05:00

Today was one of those summer days - you know, where you wake up it's sunny, sing a tune to work, manage to make it through the work day and then sing your way home with the windows down to enjoy a summer night, a glass of wine ... and now will leave the house a disaster to hit the hay.
And by "disaster" this time I really do mean it.
The typically immaculate counter now hosts three hand towels, one soaking wet from the sink-bath the munchkin got when I was too lazy to put him in the tub for the second time today. His clothes lie disheveled next to the baby Zyrtec, and dirty dishes fill the other side of the sink.
As if one counter area weren't enough to dirty, the second is covered in empty Pizza Hut boxes and dirty spoons courtesy of the meal I didn't bother to cook, which ran over into the third space along with the "dumping" of miscellaneous items from the day - diaper bag, purse, jackets, shoes, socks.
To top it off, two cupboards and a drawer are randomly open, and the hand soaps are in all the wrong places, which ordinarily I'm strangely a freak about placing neatly on the edge of the sink.
But tonight, I'm just going to bed.
I'm ending this one with my freshly-showered vanilla-mint-smelling hair in rats and toothpaste laying on the counter, because today was just one of those days where it felt good to just enjoy it.
Why bother to Kate-ify it at this point ... it will all be there waiting for my neurotic mannerisms the minute I wake up, and it sadly gives me something to look forward to getting up early for.
Just imagine how accomplished my Thursday will be when I have cleaned the house, done a load of laundry and showered all before breakfast.

I run.

2011-05-31T23:26:00.000-05:00

There were many reasons to start:
Weight loss.
Mental health.
Alone time.
And many excuses not to:
Time.
Weather.
...
Time.
Weather.
But it all came down to one thing.
Proving myself - to myself.

It's no worldly secret that I don't do things I'm not good at.
I'm not primarily a 'competitive' person, so-to-speak, in that I could honestly give two thoughts less as to how I do in comparison to others.
While I am sure in certain circumstances my indifference comes across as judgement, I honestly don't care about how anyone else and I match up in this game called life.
What she's wearing.
How her hair is done.
Whether he's promoted.
What I care about - selfishly, indeed - is where I stand when the moment is over.
Did I put my best foot/look/impression forward?
Did I perform as well as I expected myself to?
I took up walking/jogging two weeks after my son was born.
I was aware there was to be a six-week "no-activity" time, but I'd banked up about six years of no-activity time pre-baby, so I figured I was clear to take a low-key stroll.
There were the obvious purposes behind it - such as wanting to get 30 minutes alone in a day to clear my mind and losing the baby weight plus about 60 pounds of quarter-life crisis baggage.
Though, it really came down to the challenge.
I had found a huge rush in knowing that I was able to have a child.
Mid-labor, I literally looked at my husband, knowing the way my overweight and pregnant body looked and felt, and said, "I don't know if I can do this, but if I do, there's no reason this body can't do anything else."
He laughed me off as a crazy woman in labor. But I was dead serious.
I no longer wanted to be the girl who didn't do something because she "couldn't."
I didn't want to set the precedence and example for my son that it was acceptable to do only what you are good at.
I didn't want to be only the person I'd always been simply because I was too afraid to try to be something more.
I told you - heavy for the simple step-step task.
But, I'm a deep thinker like that.
So the challenge of a run began with setting mini-goals and signing up for the seemingly "unreachable" to force myself to rise for the occasion.
And I rarely look back.
Tomorrow, June 1, is National Running Day, and this year, I celebrate it not as a jealous and snide-remarked outsider who can't, but instead with the heart of a runner.
Sure, it's no doubt another Hallmark-like holiday, but I celebrate it just as I really gear up to work toward the Rock'n'Roll Chicago Half-Marathon in August.
I celebrate it not because I finished in record time, but because I even roused the courage to take the first step.
I'm not great.
I'm definitely not fast.
But I am able.
I work hard, and look ridiculous trying, and love every minute of a good run.
I put my iPod on, lace up my neon Adidas sneaks and kick my own tail for hours in a week - not because I should, but because I can.
Not because time allows, but because I inconveniently make time to.
Because the struggle to complete the task ahead is a daily and weekly reminder that just when I think I cannot stand the thought of a loss, I find it in myself to muster the strength for a strong finish.
I throw precaution and internal judgement to the wind, focusing on simply putting one foot in front of the other because some days even that mindless task feels like one hell of an accomplishment.
Happy Running Day ... may we all find the courage to take the first step in whatever path the road leads us.

It came ... and goes.

2011-05-23T22:20:00.000-05:00

In a perfectly fitting end to today's incredible Monday craze, I finally received my Jessica Simpson dress.
And will also be sending it back.
Unfortunately, as has been my luck with online shopping, it looked amazing on the web, but wasn't nearly as fab in person.
The color is a little more lavender than I'm fully comfortable with (purple has long been considered my least favorite color), and the blousing just above the waist is providing no help for my upper half.
It makes me so glad I picked up the dress at The Limited - whew!
Thank goodness I dodged the bullet of needing to go shopping this weekend ... wait.
Maybe that's a little off.
There's rarely a good reason not to go shopping.
Anyway ...
As I mentioned, it was a typical Monday. The kind where you enter the building on your toes and leave hunched and schlepping out heel-first.
These days always remind me of a Goofy short-film that I recall watching in grade school - and so, I leave this post with just such a treat ... happy, Tuesday!

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

2011-05-22T22:07:00.000-05:00

I love the immediate gratification of going shopping.
That feeling of looking, finding, purchasing and carrying all the way home to tuck something into the perfect spot is remarkably satisfying.
At the same time, there is a genuine excitement in waiting for something you ordered.
In a fantastic moment last week, the Jessica Simpson dress I was lusting over suddenly became available, and I immediately ordered one up.
I had also placed an order at Sephora a few days prior, so the excitement of waiting for packages is mounting.
I have been hawking the front door all week, and yesterday, I eyed a brown package.
I rushed through the house, all the while debating whether I would be trying on a dress or a new cream blush.
And then ... I saw the label.
"Home Depot Repair."
It was charcoal filters for our microwave. Wah wah wah.
The only upside?
Good things to look forward to this week!

Best dress.

2011-05-16T22:25:00.000-05:00

I have a wedding reception in June, and I've spent the better part of my evenings for the last few weeks on the hunt for a perfect party dress.
While a huge fan of any little black dress, I was hoping to find something patterned or a little more bright for this early summer soiree.
A good friend - and my online shopping hero - spotted this Jessica Simpson beauty, which we both determined had my name written all over it ...

Jessica Simpson Draped Animal Print Dress

I had myself so thrilled at the potential of this dress that there was a physical letdown of my stature in reading the words, "Currently out of stock."

I'm keeping the site on my radar just in case there's a new release, as I just can't get past the movement, arm coverage, a unique pattern and design.

In the meantime, however, I still needed a dress for said wedding reception.

And what do I do in need of a reasonably priced, fabulous piece in a pinch?

The Limited in Peru.

Never over-picked, always on sale, this golden treasure trove paid off once again ... this time, by means of a kelly green five-star cocktail dress.

The Limited Green Striped Tank Dress

The color is actually a perfect bright Crayola green, and the pleating under the enhanced waistline is surprisingly poof-free. It's a great length, and will be something worth adding to my work wardrobe with a short black blazer post-big event.

Better yet?

I have a brand new pair of Steve Madden t-strap platforms begging for a subdued graphic pattern to pair with their unique ruffling.

Steve Madden Women's Vanissa T-Strap Pump

A few choice jewels, a cute little handbag my mom got me for Christmas, one quick mani/pedi later and this outfit will be set!

In the shade.

2011-05-10T21:24:00.000-05:00

I'm claiming summer.
No, seriously - it was 94 degrees on my way home today.
I have three ceiling fans and a box fan on me right now, and I'm still sweating.
It's summer.
Typically, summer means less is more. Take it off, trim it down and provide as much exposure to any slight cool breeze as is possible without getting yourself an indecent exposure ticket.
With one exception.
Sunglasses.

(Yes, we were stopped and in park when I took this picture.)

Mister got his first pair of shades yesterday, and he knew he looked good.

He took to wearing them as if he were born the child of Victoria Beckham - but quite the opposite.

He was actually born to one very poor caretaker of sunglasses, who always seems to end up without them when necessity strikes.

It all began with forgetting my first "good" pair on the roof of my car after softball practice, bottomed out with several questionable shapes I was thankful I had paid minimal for and then the most recent mishap with a pair of DG aviators.
I still claim I didn't lose them, and I won't accuse anyone of stealing them, but they were in my car. Now they are not. We'll leave it there.
Thankfully - in typical fashion - my sister came to the rescue.
She gifted me an amazing pair of Kate Spade sunnies of the Jackie-O sort, and I'm watching them like a hawk by wearing them out.
From late nights on back porches with ice cold refreshments to poor nights of sleep in hot and humid air, there seems to be no reason not to sport them as much as possible.
So as things heat up, I'm making a point to put more on and enjoying the ever-chic view of the shade.

Dear Mothers.

2011-05-08T22:08:00.000-05:00

Congratulations on all you are and will become in motherhood!
Conversely, bravo on just being you.
For while those qualities that make you "mom" are likely some of your best, please don't cease to remember that while they contribute to the definition of who you are, they do not define you.
It took only once - six words that I will never forget - "... but you are a mom now."
A simple aside from a dear friend who was trying to kindly offer a new excuse for something I had not gotten to yet.
And in that brief moment, I realized motherhood could quickly become all that I am, or it could become a part of who I am.
Please don't be mistaken - nothing is as rewarding and fabulous as loving the one who now sleeps quietly tucked in his bed.
But you are so much more, and you should never question whether to hold your head high in the moment that you give yourself enough respect to be everything at once.
Being a mother does not mean that you are limited in your other roles, but rather you have all the more reason to love the person you are creating for yourself and for your children to witness you becoming.
Celebrate motherhood today ... your children ... your family.
But celebrate yourself every day.
Happy Mother's Day, to all!

Take that, Monday.

2011-05-02T21:13:00.000-05:00

Today, I was so excited.
I woke up on time, ready to tackle a new month and a new week.
The munchkin and I even had time to settle in with a completely appropriate breakfast of animal crackers and cartoons before we made it out the door on time.

(To be clear, he does have a nutritional meal 30 minutes later at the babysitter - and I learned after three weeks of his going there, he much prefers her homemade muffins in the morning to my toaster waffles and would ultimately stop eating here on purpose to save room ... I'm a good mom.)
But then. Then I got to work.
Crud.
Why is it that no matter how prepared we feel to take on the world, sometimes the Mondays catch the best of us.
I clocked in at 7:46 am and by 7:48, I could feel the frown lines turning.
My attitude slowly bombed out, and I tried to fight it the best I could.
I finally made it out the door at 4 pm, mentally cursing the DISHNetwork guy who never called me home for the "anywhere from 12 to 5 pm" service call I was owed and running through my mind the list of 'to do' items for the night.
And then - in a surprise attack - everything worked out great.
The DISH guy was just arriving when I pulled in at 4:45 pm, and I didn't even have to take off work to handle it. I whipped up some ham sandwiches and took them and the little man out to my husband in the field, so I could then come home and kick serious tail on a run after being off for too long, sick and otherwise.
I returned to the field all smiles myself and to a happy set of childish grins.
Dinner, bathtime and 35 minutes later, I'm enjoying some low-key and uninterrupted Food Network and a little "me" time.
Moral of the story ... sometimes, it's OK to quit bitching and slap a smile on your face.
When Monday comes calling with its wearying ways - drop the pity pennant and give it the one-finger salute.
Here's to you Monday ... take that.

Short(-sleeved) and sweet.

2011-04-28T20:53:00.000-05:00

For more than a month, I've wanted to share this one but am struggling with a whole lot to say other than ...
I love this shirt.

jcrew voile tuxedo tunic

With summer around the corner and my fear of sleeveless and less-than-perfect biceps, this casual, airy top is on my lust list.
That's all.

I needed a win.

2011-04-25T00:56:00.000-05:00

I have taken some time off from blogging because I, myself, have been a little off.
Exciting, sad, overwhelming and thought-provoking things have filled my days and taken over this girl. I could explain, but it matters not.
Today is today and now, now and that, is all that matters.
I confessed aloud today I haven't felt myself for several weeks, which is in full-part due to my tendency to consider my routine as the collective reflection of "myself."

In my mind, I am the woman who has a ...
5 am run                          5:45 am shower
6:15 am baby up for breakfast    7 am three people out the door
7:30 am work                             4:45 pm baby pick up
6 pm dinner for three               7 pm bath-time
7:30 pm baby bed time             8 pm clean house
8:15 pm date with my pillow

But the reality of late is I'm the woman who, like today, had a ...
6 am alarm ... I slept through
7:30 am panic attack when three people finally awoke and had to be out the door in 15 minutes
10:45 am random melt-down which created a highly-puzzling look on my husband's face
1:30 pm realization I'd forgotten to restock diapers in the diaper bag ... in the same minute I definitely needed one
2:30 pm random melt-down, impulsing an eye-roll from aforementioned confused husband
Only to come home to a house in serious need of attention after this morning's whirlwind leave ... sigh several times ... and wonder how on earth I get back on track.
Followed by two very large glasses of chocolate milk.
With 2% milk.
Take that chaos.

There are definitely days when I am Woman A. And on those days, I feel powerful. I feel like my mother on those days - strong-arming my way through a million things despite how I might feel mentally, physically or emotionally.
And it's not that I cannot accept being Woman B ... but she makes me feel defeated.
I'm not.
I know that.
And I say this certainly not to invoke pity or thoughtful "you're a great person" responses, but rather to simply acknowledge that I have those moments.
Acknowledgment is one of my favorite words right now.
It's different from acceptance ... I'm not quite there, yet, but I am coming into my own enough to acknowledge the reality of actions and emotions.
No one suffered today due to my sleeping in, forgetting diapers (thanks to a very nice cousin of a cousin-in-law!) or having moments of terrible emotional weakness.
Today I was surrounded by family and loved ones - a full team of happiness and caring.
But tonight, I am up paying bills, doing laundry and writing because I need to know I have finished something today.
I'm all for the team, but I need a win.
Our purposes may be different, but we all strive to get there - we all want to feel capable of mastering the cards we draw.
Whether motivated by our careers, homes, families or hobbies, we always look to cross off the imaginary list of accomplishments and strengths.
When the lights are dimmed, beds turned down and dreams and days wash through our minds, there is a calm in knowing we made it.
It may have been only 24 hours in a lifetime of days, but we can check this date off as a success.
And it feels good.
We sleep better.
And we wake short hours later, physically exhausted, yet motivated by the encouraging performance we pulled out in the bottom of the ninth when it looked like the game was going to be a loss.
May you all begin your week with a winning record ...

Mini-celebration!

2011-04-08T21:14:00.000-05:00

Here ye, here ye!
I was officially notified (AKA made aware via Facebook status by an adorably, fashionable eFriend) that two of my favorite places are now even more accessible!

For those of you who are from "the corn" as I am and have never fallen face-first into these amazing retailers, Ulta and Sephora are beauty-only stores.
This means no clothes, no accessories, no shoes - just wall-to-wall perfumes, makeups, hair products, nail polishes and more!
Now - I should warn you - it can be a tad overwhelming.
If you don't know what you're looking for, don't let the vast expanses of options force you back toward the door.
Take a look around, a very deep breath and remember ... you don't have to buy a thing. Just browse.
Let your artsy-fartsy side admire the crazy deep colors on the Stila eye palettes or reminisce your childhood moments with the bright yellow and turquoise nail polishes.
Peruse the skin products without wondering who might notice that at 20- or 30-something you're checking out eye creams ... consider it your own little secret.
Whatever you do, don't judge the prices or snub any eccentric beauty-crazed workers - it's quality stuff and these folks know their business.
My "source" tells me that Ulta landed on 53rd Street in Davenport next to Old Navy today, and Sephora will be falling into JCPenney at Northpark Mall in Davenport on Sunday.
While you're there - check out a few of my faves:
*Sephora by O.P.I Nail Polish - It comes in every color imaginable, and I'm dying to pick up Under My Trench Coat for my tips and Caliente Coral for my toes this summer.
*Too Faced Shadow Insurance - I had a terrible time keeping my shadow power up before I found this stuff, and the tube has lasted me over a year so far. Worth every penny.
*Benefit Cosmetics 10 Dual Powder - I originally got this as a gift from my sister, and it quickly became my if-you-were-stranded-on-a-desert-island-and-could-only-bring-one-thing addiction. It doesn't matter whether it's the middle of summer or the dead of winter, this stuff is a no-fail cheekbone helper. The bronzer is only dark enough to give a good shadow and the highlighter is pure shimmer and no shine. It's awesome - that simple.
*Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel - Yes, fans - the department store staples you know and love can also be found here ... Clinique, Lancome, etc. It's one-stop-looking-good shopping heaven.
*Vera Wang Princess - "Created for the playful, unpredictable, independent woman who treats every day like an event and adventure" ... don't pretend you don't want to be that girl in a bottle. It's been my "go-to" for a few years and since it's good quality I don't have to pour on half a bottle with each use.
I can't wait to check out these locations on my next trip to "The Cities," and I hope they get enough business to keep them fully stocked with all of the goodies I can spend hours strolling through.
Here's to a mini-celebration of expression and indulgence to start the weekend!

Random normalcy

2011-04-01T00:34:00.000-05:00

I managed to squeeze all of the following things into just a few short hours tonight and will now be going to bed extremely centered, happy ... and tired.
*Finished laundry for the first time in longer than I'd care to mention.
*Watched TV - and by "TV" I mean all of my favorite shows - Seinfeld, Shedding for the Wedding, The Office and Friends.
*Caught up on my favorite blogs.
*Got my running gear all ready for 5 am so I'm not tempted to cop out on a Friday.
*And searched for nearly an hour for dress ideas for the upcoming wedding season. Unfortunately, the only conclusion was that I am strangely drawn to this dress ...

j.crew golden raindrop dress

... which is not only cut in all the wrong places for my not-so-Gisele proportions but also $750. Double ouch!
Sweetest dreams and happy weekend eve!

Heart-deep.

2011-03-22T22:42:00.000-05:00

There's something miraculous about friendships that run heart-deep.
They are those that last even when you haven't really spoken in weeks ... maybe months.
They are built on random late-night talks, milestone moments and Thursday night margaritas.
Last Thursday, I had margaritas.
They were great, the food delicious ... but the company ... miraculous.

I've been blessed with some pretty amazing friends over the years, because, to be completely honest, I'm not always great at trying.
But this friend ... she didn't let me slide.
And Thursday night, we laughed and shared and had the best 90 minutes of my week - maybe my month. (Yes, I realize it isn't even over yet. It was that good.)
She reminded me of a certain time in my life, in our friendship, when I gave her an out.
When I literally made zero effort ... when I was hiding from even myself ... yet, she refused to walk away.
I gave her plenty of reason ... missed calls, bailed plans, overdue time spent.
Nope.
No thank you.
No how. We laughed and teased about my ridiculously rude habits, each of us knowing there was a little truth behind the points of the conversation.
Frequently, I try to put that time behind me. We all go through "phases," and I'd prefer not to revisit the way I saw myself then.
But as I drove home that night, and so often since, I thought about that time ... how I treated her and so many others in my life ... how much I've grown in just a matter of years ... and of the millions of emotions and feelings that surged through me then.
And I cried.
The tears swelled because I am so very grateful and fortunate that a core group of people have never walked away.
Because I would have let them.
I practically begged them to.
I think about the places my life has been and the places I want it to go, and in some ways they are so very different.
It's about baby steps, though ... and I'm getting there.
And I know from a penthouse view someone is helping me get there, because just when I start to feel overwhelmed, I'll randomly run into one of these phenomenal people at the doctor's office ... or receive an e-mail with a vent I could have written myself ... or have Thursday night margaritas.
For when I feel most alone ... there they are ... always heart-deep.

Pause.

2011-03-20T22:04:00.000-05:00

No. I did not forget I have a blog.

I have, however, been doing the following:
Buying a house.
Selling a house.
Packing one house.
Cleaning said "new" house.
Soon-to-be unpacking said "new" house.
I've also ...
Registered for some summer runs and lined up a training plan.
Re-focused my eating habits after a week of solid stress eating crap.
Practiced surviving on an incredible amount of caffeine and very little sleep.
Went into a Banana Republic outlet and walked out empty-handed - GASP!
Hung out with my brother and sister.
Broke out my flip flops at the Wisconsin Dells.
Spent a MUCH-needed night of margaritas with my dearest friend, Sadie.
Had a fabulous night out with lots of my favorites.
Went to a Pampered Chef party - and made plans to cook better and more often.

And ... not blogged about any of it.

Yet.

(Insert Seacrest-esque dramatic pause here.)

Happy week!

Cookie crumble

2011-03-06T16:34:00.000-06:00

Every now and then I get an itch to be domestic.
You know, those "Betty" moments, where one imagines herself putting on a stylish apron over her high-waisted skirt and heels, mixing magical amounts of flour and sugar, creating an aroma throughout the house that instantly warms bellies and hearts.
But part of the reason this occurs on only a rare occassion for me is that they primarily turn out more like a this ...

... a disheveled barefoot girl in her most comfortable jeans and t-shirt staring down the barrel of a serious mess, the sounds of a child fighting a much-needed nap echoing through the kitchen.
To top it off, the result of the domestic glory?
Chocolate chip pancake cookies.

Honestly, I'm not even sure they have the thickness of a pancake ... more like chocolate chip crepe cookies. Although, saying that sounds more appealing than these truly look.
I usually make my own version of monster cookies - oatmeal, peanut butter(s), chocolate chips, cinnamon ... yummy goodness.
Today, I thought I'd try just a good old-fashioned chocolate chip, but as it turns out, playing by the Nestle Toll House rule book proved otherwise.
Despite a mound of sad-looking cookies perfectly plated on my counter, the time is not a total loss.
The kitchen is now more clean than before I started.
The child snuggled sweetly in his bed.
And I ... I have a smell of cookies and a large glass of ice cold milk to enjoy in the quiet of this moment.
We've got a lot on the books this week ... here's hoping it holds a little continued sweetness and only completely manageable blunders.

Transitional Triumph

2011-03-05T21:31:00.000-06:00

Today, I hit the highway with elevated hopes for a pocket full of gift cards.
I went to The Shoppes at Grand Prairie outdoor mall in Peoria for three reasons: 1. Banana Republic; 2. Ann Taylor Loft; and 3. Old Navy (this one for my son - I have trouble with Old Navy clothes on me).
After an hour drive full of dreaming up my game plan, I hit up Banana Republic first.
Many of the Spring 2011 options were of a pale pink or safari green, and I was initially saddened. I'm not a huge fan of either, and I was dying for something singing spring.
But as I made my way past the draping pastels, I spotted the apple of my Banana Republic eye ... sales.
Disclaimer: I absolutely do not condone buying sale items just for the sake of buying them. I find that spending money on something doesn't fit correctly or look polished is a waste of my hard-earned cash, be it $20 or $200.
But part of the reason I love to shop at Grand Prairie is that, despite its not being much of a "new" mall anymore, it never seems to be picked over.
It's as if no one in the greater Peoria area has any idea that these stores exist, so all of the fabulous, quality goods end up on sale!
Today was no different, and I managed to leave the store spending less than $100 on a total of 5 items (skirt for wearing with summer t's, two dresses and two cardigans).
One of my favorites was this sweater ...

Banana Republic Cozy Cable Cardigan

It was originally priced at $110 - and despite the fact that it still tags out at $93.99 online, I paid a whopping $23.99 ... and even fine-tooth-combed it with the saleswoman to be sure there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.
Thank you central Illinois and your fashion fearful!
It's a warm cable knit and is a little quirky in that the stitching throughout is actually hot pink. I paired it later in the day with a colorful Chiffon Flutter-Sleeve Top from Express (enter spring song here!), making it much less Mrs. Rodgers.
It will neutralize the many summer magenta and mango colors I picked up today, and I can't wait to make it my go-to warm-up during the next few transitional months.

Lazy already

2011-03-04T06:25:00.000-06:00

It's 6:15 am, and I've been up since 5.
I have my workout in, but that's about as far as I've made it, as I found it necessary to stop by my laptop after the elliptical to log my workout and have been too lazy to get out of the chair since.
And so, I figured, why not throw up a blog post about absolutely nothing on this lazy Friday.
Outside I just heard a car splash through puddles, which reminds me - was it supposed to rain, or snow, or something?
I really should watch the weather ... but that's a chore for a different day.
This weekend plans to be incredibly exciting, starting with some good friends, moving into some solo time and shopping (mani-pedi, included!) and wrapping up with buying ceiling paint. As one can imagine, the paint is where the weekend will really hit its climax.
Either way, I'm terribly ready for a weekend (which I manage to proclaim loudly by about noon every Monday these days) ... the question is, will I ever make it out of this chair to get on my way there?

Guess what?

2011-03-01T22:45:00.000-06:00

I'm ready for spring.
Yes, lethargic girl who adored being snowed in for days - or months, rather - is starving for some serious outdoors time, making today's sunshine feel like such an intense tease.
And despite the dark exterior, I really just wanted to splash this page with some color (are you seeing yellow yet)?
I fell in love with this print on the Gucci Spring 2008 runway and have tripped head over 5-inch heels into yellow and black ever since.

But until I finalize my thoughts ... and my layout ... here are the random wanderings stealing my focus this week:
1. New running shoes.
2. Sunshine.
3. Daylight savings time.
4. Tulips.

Work it out on your Wednesday.

Polish wishes

2011-02-24T00:16:00.000-06:00

My soul needs to post almost as badly as my hands need a manicure ... or is it vice versa?
Regardless, to appease both today without working a brain cell or spending a dime - my "long-anticipated" nail polish suggestion. (Right? Right.)
This winter I fell in love with 212-Sephora Limited Edition SEPHORA by OPI Nail Colour. It's the most amazing combination of metallics, colors and black. It rocked everything from holiday celebrations to long Tuesdays at the office, and is limited edition - so despite my delayed posting, snag it now so you can rest assured you have something stellar lined up when that first cool breeze of fall hits.
(And yes, you read correctly. I used the term "stellar." I warned no brain cells would be injured for the benefit of this post. Proven.)
Or, if you don't believe me on the diversity of that incredible dazzling potion, at least spend your Hamilton on one of the other Sephora by OPI polishes. These suckers stay on forever, and who's got time to be spending each night on touch ups.
Here are some colors I'm lusting over during these end of winter doldrums ...

Check them out.

Buy one.

Love it.

Thank yourself.

A "bee-bee" moment

2011-02-03T21:44:00.000-06:00

Having not touched this site in more than a week, tonight I had a list of mindless things I wanted to blog about: suitcase musts; prolonging the vacation spirit; snow bunny vs. snow man; nail polish I've intended to share for a month. I've planned all day to talk about my favorite nothings.
But, at my finger tips, all I can think is how thankful I am for a tiny moment tonight.
It was a day like any other - breakfast, work, lunch, work, dinner, playtime, showers, bedtime.
An early rub of the eyes and "nigh nigh" was well-received, so we scurried up the stairs toward the crib.
Once there, though, the battle commenced - tears ensued.
It made me think of a good friend, and how we so often try to do the right thing to help our little ones become strong big people. Even if it means they learn to cry it out.
As I read her comment last night, I knew her pain. I thought to myself - she'd be an amazing mother, even if she opened that door right now.
In talking to yet another fantastic friend today, the truth is ... we also have to CIO. We also need to find strength ... because bedtime won't be the last time we have to help them through something that makes us hurt, too.
So - those thoughts in mind - tonight, I caved and gave a great big hug instead.
I squeezed and smiled, and he did the same and followed with "bee-bee."
I'm not sure which grandmother shared her secret of reminding him that he could be held like a baby while we were gone, but it's been a frequent request since we returned.
Usually, the cradling is quickly followed by the reason we no longer get to hold him like a baby - a swift swivel move likely found on a training poster somewhere in the wrestling hall of fame.
Any other night, I would have said goodnight, kissed his head and let the fit rage on. I would have waited in my bedroom, only steps away, and let him tire as I anxiously hoped for a moment I could excuse myself in to "make sure his foot wasn't stuck" ... or something of the like.
But tonight, I found myself needing my "bee-bee" as much as he needed me in that moment.
For no particular reason, other than he's just so wonderful to snuggle, I did so.
I held him like a baby in that way we mothers do, half loving the nestling and settling into a comfortable spot and half feeling tortured and wondering why we don't spend more time lifting weights.
I stood and rocked all 25 pounds of love, as he hugged his "doo" (monkey) as tightly as I hugged him.
In the darkness, I contemplated why, after 16 months, I have never bothered to put a chair in his room and where I could possibly make room for one. I pondered the thought of doing this more often, and wondered if Michele Obama's killer guns actually came from swaying to the tune of a motherly curl.
But more than that, I studied him. I focused on the vision of him overflowing from my arms - his dad's features, my grandfather's cheeks ... the way his hands would randomly tighten around that little monkey ... and how his seemingly sleeping tiny feet can pack such a punch on an unexpecting hip bone.
It was a moment.
And while I was hoping to just drain all purposeful thought here tonight - that snapshot was my day.
And that ... that, is nothing enough.

Just a spoonful of sugar

2011-01-26T10:29:00.000-06:00

For three mornings in a row, I have planted myself here ...

I have watched the crowds roll in and out for hours - literally - writing pages of those I see, grinning at interactions (one little girl just shouted loudly - "POP goes the weasel!") and simply drinking in the caffeine of life.
The energy in the room is astounding, and it's been a total pleasure to be a fixture on the wall.
The employees behind the counter move like clockwork. Each knows its role, and all say hello. They smile and chat and greet repeat customers by name. If there were a comment box, I would leave one that simply said - "Thank you." They've earned that.
But what I've found more amazing is the number of people waltzing through the doors. Hundreds of people, of all walks of life, have opened the glass doors featuring "Tall Pike Place Roast - $1.50." They stand in line, waiting their turn patiently - some seeming to be on their way to work, others looking to relax, more in motion to their next destination ... meeting, workout, home.
One man has been sleeping in a chair in the corner since I arrived nearly two hours ago. He awoke about twenty minutes ago, switched chairs and snuggled back in. Another works diligently on his laptop. A third peruses a newspaper, and the woman in the corner reads her Kindle - checking her watch every few minutes.
But at the center of this universe are two women, a small girl and a baby. And they are all smiles and sunshine.
I wonder if the others on the outside notice their happiness ... their content with their little table of love.
While it's been fantastic to simply take this bustling place in, seeing this group reminds me that I could never be an outsider.
I care too much. I need the smiles. I need the people. I need my friends.
Vacation is wonderful, but I'm beginning to miss home.
But, it's more than just the home I left.
Our life has been so very busy lately, and I'm thankful for all that we have.
But I miss my people.
I miss the slow moments of coffee and chatting with a good friend.
I miss a long run, and breathing in the country air that I pretend to despise so much.
I miss laughter ... and I miss hugs.
There's always something we "need" to do. The laundry, the dishes, the responsibilities we sign up for to be good upstanding citizens, parents and community members.
I find myself putting the "need" to be a good friend frequently on the back burner ... and it's sad. It's disheartening because my friends have earned more, and they deserve more.
It's so easy to take advantage of the fact that "they understand." Because they're amazing, and they do, and I know that.
But as it turns out, I'm finding that I "need" to be a friend, just as much as I love having them, and perhaps it's a good time to make time for those needs.
Perhaps, the best medicine for the hectic world I call mine isn't escaping the insanity, but adding a little more nonsense and giggling.

Coming into this place, I usually take my coffee like my life ... strong and straight.
Maybe all I really needed to ask for is just a little milk and sugar.

Julie & Julia - revisited

2011-01-25T08:44:00.000-06:00

In the rush of our weekend, I nearly forgot.
I almost overlooked putting my thoughts and emotions of such an amazing movie on "paper."
I almost got so wrapped up in my life that I forgot to take a moment for my life.
Ironic.
True.
Frequent.

And so, I must say - "outloud" - that I LOVE Julie & Julia. I adore it. I relate to it, and relish in its idiosyncrasies and moments.
I fancy it in the way I do every time I find a rare movie that hits my core - and then play it over and over in my DVD player and in my mind.
One can assume - off the cuff - that I would enjoy it. What's not to like about Amy Adams, and based on my obsession with The Devil Wears Prada, the one-two punch of Meryl Streep and Stanley Tucci was sure to please.
But it's so much more than the people.
As an English major, I have been trained to forever search for the meaning in things. Just as The Devil Wears Prada isn't just about fashion, Julie & Julia isn't just about cooking and blogging.
It's about life.
It's about seeing so much potential in yourself, and then copping out when the going gets tough.
It's about a fear of failure, and somehow finding the bravery to take a chance on oneself.
And that reaches me.
Those are the moments that I relate to.
The crying on the kitchen floor, blaming your husband for everything and losing your mind for seemingly no reason.
That's when I'm hooked.
Because I've had those moments. I have those moments.
And after the tantrum, before the breathing ... she writes.
She puts it all into words, because that, my friends, is an incredible method of therapy through reality.
And it was magical.
After watching the movie, I began reading Julie's blog.
I must admit, it wasn't exactly fireworks for me.
Her last post at that site was in April 2010, so while I caught up on a few spots, I quickly moved on - and not to finding her next location.
It was real, and it was honest, and I love that. But it wasn't my style - and that's OK.
Because I have the movie.
And I have my movie - horrible cooking, irrational emotion, breakdowns, build-ups and ... most importantly ... words.

Excursion to reality

2011-01-24T08:59:00.001-06:00

We've been traveling for days.
Lie.
We traveled one day. But it felt like days.
I had myself completely prepared for my excursion, though. The clipping of Heidi Klum strolling through the airport, looking 100% put together and rested, has been on my inspiration board for months.

(Photo by POPSUGAR)

I paired my dark trouser jeans with a comfortable black blouse, my favorite new cardigan and a black scarf. Seeing as it was in single digits upon departure, I threw on my faux bomber-ish jacket - which will also play nice in the temperate weather of our destination. And of course, despite my husband's glare, I wore heels. Not just any heels - multi-patterned heels with enough color to match anything in my suitcase in a subtle way.
Stupid idea for a day of treking through airports, you're thinking? Perhaps. But my feet are much more accustomed to the heights and balance of a stiletto than any pair of flats, and the if the plane went down - I wouldn't have wanted to be caught any other way.
After finding our gate, the next stop was Starbucks. Thought it's not unusual for me to be awake at 5:30 in the morning, it is abnormal to not have any caffeine in myself still at 7:30 am.
Sitting there, in my well-planned attire, over-sized black bag on my arm, grande skinny caramel latte in hand ... I felt oh so metropolitan.
While it may have been only in my mind, it was a good feeling - and it made me grin to consider that I actually created a smile for myself, if nothing else.
For the last time I was at the airport, I undoubtedly schlepped in in sweatpants and flipflops. I no doubt threw my hair into a ponytail and hid behind my dingy, crooked glasses. I may have been a newlywed, but I didn't care what I thought about myself, not to mention what others may have perceived.
Some no doubt think me cynical - talking here about clothes and appearances and material things.
They likely read these pages and shrug me off as the same snotty off-balance person they are sure they "knew" in high school or college.
But the truth is, I'm finding that what I create on the outside is very much an influence on how I feel on the inside. Reciprocally, I am learning that what I feel on the inside has everything to do with how I then portray myself on the outside.
And in that terminal ... at that moment ... both had just a tiny moment of pride.
A vacation, indeed.

Mint & a movie

2011-01-19T05:34:00.000-06:00

Tonight was a sleepless night.
At 2:15 am - for no reason at all - I awoke. Bright-eyed, clear-minded and ... in the middle of the night.
It was one of those unexpected wakenings, when even counting down from 100 and planning every second of your next day cannot lull you back to sleep.
And so, up I was.
I decided to hop in the shower, and upon doing so remembered I'd just snuck in my latest purchase.

Having dripped each last drop of my value-sized shampoo, it was time for something new. I decided to splurge on a bottle of organix teatree mint shampoo and was it worth it!
By splurge I don't mean $20 a bottle, I can't imagine it could have been much more than $5, but since my usual TRESemme´ comes in ridiculously cheap enormous jugs, it felt like a serious decadence.
The mint was just enough to be refreshing without smelling like I'd swapped my cleanser for Crest, and my hair felt squeaky clean.
Suggestion to the masses - binge every once and a while on something little like shampoo for the following reasons:
a) You know you'll use it.
b) It will feel like pampering to know you've spent even just a tad more, and
c) To be quite fair, if you measured it out on a per-use basis, it's really only pennies on the drop ... which makes it practically free.
Try it. You'll thank yourself.
Now relaxed and refreshed, I found my insomnia the perfect time to pop in "Julie & Julia," which I'd never seen and my brother so proudly got me for Christmas.
He assured me it was the perfect movie for me, which I immediately trusted since I know little-to-nothing about movies these days.
All I can say is ... thank you, brother!
It was outstanding - amazing - and so very me.
I smiled, laughed and cried.
I giggled to myself in moments when I found myself relating, and even more so in moments when I wished I couldn't (i.e. the scenes with Julia and her sister, Dorothy - whose mannerisms toward each other felt all too much like my own relationship with my sister).
But enough for now ... and more to come about this film soon ...
This refreshed head and heart must get ready for a new day.
Au revoir!

Snow day bliss

2011-01-17T10:30:00.000-06:00

It's been a ridiculously long week ... as I'm sure my absence shows.
There were places to be, things to do, tears to wipe, hearts to mend, mistakes to make, responsibilities to tend to, chances around the corner and prayers. Lots of prayers.
But here we are.
It's like a snow day in our house today. No work, and all play.
The blustery wind whips outside; the trees sway cautiously; and a pile of slush repeatedly falls off of Brett's boots onto the clean kitchen linoleum when he stops in the house to check on us. So, it counts.
It's 10 am, and after only two hours of being up, we are still in our pjs. Coggin was up long enough for "num nums," only to request a quick return to his crib with his standard rubbing of the eyes. Granted, there is much giggling among yawns waving through the monitor at the moment, but apparently he needed some "me time." I get that, completely.
And me. I'm breathing.

Here on the couch - a magazine to my left, a bib to my right - staring down the toyfilled entry of our home - I am breathing.
Because the last 7 days have been gasps of air.
But here we are.
There are never enough moments for reflection. How I wish there were.
Because in these moments, we grow. We find ourselves recognizing what we are capable of and where we fall short. Where change can be made, and how to best face this thing called life.
But I suppose, in turn, should we always question and ponder, we would never just live.
So, in this snow day - as I listen to the ticks of icy flakes on the window - we are enjoying the opportunity to stay grounded, relaxed, warm and thankful.
Because gratitude and serenity never go out of style.

Losing control

2011-01-10T00:56:00.000-06:00

Acknowledging a loss of control is a terrible feeling.
It's one of anxiety, anticipation and frustration.
In years past, I faced such adversity with two things - food and discountenance.
I snubbed the powerlessness by choosing to ignore it, instead hoping gluttony would fill the physical and emotional void. I shied from reality, replacing it instead with an action I could control.
In spending the last year re-familiarizing myself with choices that suit me best, I try very diligently to heighten my awareness to the way I handle such situations.
But I learned this weekend that knowing why and what is so much easier than changing how.
Without the safety net of food, there was nothing to distract me, and it was an incredible awakening to the poor habits I'd created to escape my realities.
More importantly, though, without the distraction, I was able to see something I had never allowed myself to witness in the past - the strength of others.
I have always considered only how I was to be changing things.
I'm the oldest. I must fix things, make them better, instigate change - and, in all extensions, spare disappointment.
But in these moments, I had no affect. I could not ease the pain. I could not keep the tears from falling. I could not promote the understanding or create a sense of stability.
And, much to my surprise, that didn't change a thing.
What I found, instead, was that the only one who had worried in the past about my actions was me, and things happened today, just as they would have - only this time, I learned something.
I became stronger ... wiser.
As I allowed myself to actively participate in the truth and to be inspired by others, I found courage.
It still hurts.
It touches so hard.
But I am so thankful to them ... for all that they didn't even realize they'd done.
For the love and energy and emotion they bestowed upon me, when I felt not only helpless, but inexperienced and afraid.
Ignoring life doesn't keep it from being so.
For there is much to be taken when life offers opportunities to open our eyes and truly drink in all that it puts forth for us.
Minutes fleet by, and we decide what to take from them and how to respond.
And as it turns out, sometimes making a conscious decision to simply be present in that moment is a completely acceptable reaction.

'Twas the season to be daring

2011-01-03T12:10:00.000-06:00

For the first year in many, many, I put on my bravest face this Christmas.
When my mom sent her fourth reprimanding e-mail for Christmas ideas, I wrote, deleted, wrote, deleted ... paused, wrote and sent - a request for clothes.
To preface - the suggestion for clothes has typically come in the form of the following over the last few years: "black pants and sweat pants."
This was my way of being elusive - I could avoid telling my mom what size I truly was, she didn't have to be impolite and ask, and we both knew a pair of XL dark sweatpants would fit all of our discomforts with the situation ... comfortably.
Don't misunderstand, my mom has always been my biggest fan, and my weight has never bothered her. Other than she knew it bothered me, and as a mother, that's of course the issue.
In the time that I've struggled to find clothes to work, though, my mom has really honed her own sense of shopping expertise, and this year my closet was screaming for some attention.
And so, I sent her several links to clothes I liked - not necessarily for her to buy, but just some ideas of places, colors, shapes and sizes.
So there it was. I had put it out there, and all I could do was wait.
I truly believe that Christmas is made by the people, not the presents, but I humbly admit that the waiting and anticipation was a renewed sense of excitement.
I ripped the snowmen off the department-store shaped box quicker than anything in years.
The top read Ann Taylor Loft, and I know my eyes lit with joy.
There it was ... tada!

This olive and mustard shell is absolutely beautiful and works fantastically under the dark-wheat colored cardigan.
I give my mom extra points for pairing it with a gold/ribbon chain with dark grey gems - it's fabulous.
Better yet - I adore it despite the fact that it's slightly out of my comfort zone.
It is, as mentioned, not black - GASP! The shell and longer cardigan were something new and different, as well - as these grandma-arms have spent the better part of a decade covered in two layers of cloth.
Yet, putting it on, I embraced every thread of it.
I paired it with black trousers, taking special note of the fact that I didn't look like a head-to-toe Crayola.
I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that I didn't have to spend 20 minutes trying to get the under-sleeves to lay flat with the cardigan ... no extra bulk and extremely comfortable!
And it turns out, the length of the cardigan wasn't nearly as scary on - it still hit above the widest part of my ... well ... widest part.
The gold gave me the perfect reason to mix my metal accessories, and I'm sure to be seen wearing it with a combo of gold, silver and bronze at once.
And while "it's just clothes," it made me feel good.
It made me feel put together - a sense that, amid the rush of the holidays, a house full of colds and non-stop schedules, had come less-and-less lately.
With the holidays in the past and thoughts of the future in the present, I find it suits me.
It fits ... perfectly.

Unapologetically yours

2010-12-31T07:22:00.000-06:00

I have come to love New Year's resolutions.
I appreciate them so much that I make them mid-stream, throwing out a new one in April when I'm in a rut or September when things aren't going my way.
I've become thoroughly engrossed in rewriting the chapters in my life, and adjustments play a huge role in that process.
This year, however, one of my many resolutions was a surprise.
I apologize for everything.
My dearest friends know me for it well, and my husband reprimands me for it frequently.
I have no doubt that it is annoying, and I don't say it to wear out it's meaning or welcome.
I apologize because I truly mean it - the last thing I ever want to be accused of is not taking responsibility for an unwelcome or incorrect action.
I've known far too many people who like to pass the buck, and I, for one, am more than fine with acknowledging my flaws.
But this past year, I was asked to stop apologizing at work. Twice, in fact. And it caught me off guard.
It was a positive thing - my boss didn't want me apologizing for my actions because she knew why I took them, believed I did the right thing and didn't want another party to get any satisfaction from thinking they had won. It was sweet, actually, for her to believe in me, and I very much appreciated it.
But it hit me like a rock.
When did I start apologizing for what I believe in - for what I do out of purpose and thoughtful intent?
Don't get me wrong, I'll still admit fault when due - and likely even sometimes when it's not.
But this year, I resolve to stop apologizing for being me. For loving the way that I love, thinking the way that I think and acting because of the two.
It's a tall order that will take some serious attention, but why not throw in a good challenge.
After all, that's what fresh starts are for.

Slumber

2010-12-28T21:16:00.000-06:00

As children, we stayed up til the wee hours of the morning with our very best friends contemplating our "MASH" dreams.

We giggled and fawned over the possibilities of knights in shining armor driving red Ferraris up the lane of our white-picket-fenced mansions.

And when we woke up in the morning, all in the world felt right.

Our eyes rolled to the dear friend by our side, we remembered the last nights' conversations of far-fetched dreams and happiness gave us a great big hug.

I miss those moments - the slumber parties filled with the belly-laughs so deep I felt as though I had just finished a marathon, emptying my soul to the point of physical exhaustion and waking up with an unintentional smile on my face.

Because the lives we've created from those innocent dreams are hectic.

They are full of to do lists and responsibilities. They are fabulous and rewarding, at the same time clouded with rush and constant motion.

But those giddy girls of years past have not changed - we are still searching, still playing that game and wondering who we will be despite the husbands, children, homes and cars already in place.

And though we cannot predict what may be yet to come, we can hold tight to the opportunity to accept the differences between the "plan" and reality, all the while staying focused on creating moments of stomach-crunching enjoyment in the manic Sunday through Monday.

Just sit

2010-12-27T21:39:00.000-06:00

It's nearly 9 o'clock, and I'm listening to the same "ma ma" that echoed in the monitor nearly an hour ago. He'll have to fall asleep eventually, right?
The house is the most clean it's been in three days, but that's not saying much considering my office looks like a special feature on "Hoarders."
For the last 35 minutes I haven't moved from this couch.
I'm sitting.
I'm standing my ground.
And I'm sitting.
We have run here there and everywhere for a week. It's been wonderful, overwhelming, heart-warming and hectic.
I haven't even so much as reached for the remote, which means Mike & Molly got another completely unearned nod, because I honestly think it is one of the lamest shows possible.
I know I should get up.
I should finish the laundry, cut some CDs I've been putting off, organize the mounds of tagged clothes from Christmas or - gasp - put my chubby behind on the treadmill.
But not tonight.
From the corner of my eye, I catch my husband working diligently in his office and feel a proud smile stretch across my face.
Much to his despise, I'm in the living room snuggled on the couch under the dim lighting of only two lamps (he's an 'overhead light' kind of guy). The flicker of an espresso-scented candle could instantly transform this moment into the hugging relaxation a warm little coffee shop.
But I won't get up to light it.
If I didn't think it would prompt a swift commentary, I'd turn up my Amy Winehouse or Frank Sinatra.
But I've learned which fights to pick over the last few years, and for right now ... I'll enjoy these few peaceful moments to just sit.

Wrapping up

2010-12-26T13:01:00.000-06:00

2010 has been ridiculous.
Mostly wonderfully ridiculous - but ridiculous, nonetheless.
I love to say that I am comfortable with change. I like to think that I adapt to the comings and goings, ins and outs, ups and downs with enthusiasm and trust.
I like to think that.
But if we're being fair and honest here, that's about 99% lie.
What I really appreciate is having a routine.
I am crazy for getting into a rhythm that I can perfect through repetition and then get down to a mad science.
And this year was anything but science.
What you haven't learned, up until this point, is that I have spent the last year:
*becoming a mother
*working on year 3 of my marriage
*going back to work after maternity leave
*changing jobs & locations
*jogging miles after miles
*watching friends move
*flipping shifts at my new job
*welcoming friendships that grow
*losing 52 pounds
*saving, not spending
*falling in love with certain blogs
*opening my eyes to domestic eloquence
*stressing, laughing, hurting, smiling ... and stressing some more.
During all of this, I've used this blog as an outlet for my fashion obsession, and I love that. I adore the ability to step out of the aforementioned chaos of this day-to-day and focus on something else. But more than that, I just cherish writing here.
It is my place. It is a little piece of "just me," which is something nearly non-existent in my world anymore, and in 2011, I hope to write more here.
Yet, in this craziness I call my own, there isn't always time for research and for photos.
So while there will still be a focus on my favorite pieces, colors and trends of the moment, there will also be more.
For my greatest discovery through this process has been learning that "my style" is just as much about what makes my presence so, as the clothes that don my back and the heels that comfort my soul.
And so, welcome 2011. Bring it on.
May our goals be many ...
our hearts brave ...
and our imaginations willing to create change.

Thankful?

2010-11-28T23:15:00.000-06:00

Contemplating which fashionable object of material lust to blog about is feeling a bit worn out tonight, as I sit quietly in my quaint home after several days of family and love.
We spent our Thanksgiving like most others I know - running frantically from one location to the next, sharing our gratitude with our amazing extended family.
And while I'm eternally grateful for these extraordinary people, the moments that meant the most to me this past few days came without calories or price tags.
They weren't about who made which dish or what the plan was for Black Friday madness.
They came in two very simple ways - a late night conversation with my brother and sister and a Sunday outing with my husband and son.
They were plain old ordinary happenstance ... and yet, so very gratifying.
For, in them, I found myself feeling truly grateful for what I don't have.
I am thankful for our tiny living room and lack of furniture - which allowed the laughter and acceptance of my brother and sister to feel ever closer yet. It reminded me of the nights we used to spend all crammed into one bedroom on Christmas eve, giggling, reciting movie lines and planning for what Santa may be bringing.
I also came to appreciate what my husband and I have yet to cross off our "someday" list, which allows us to still share our dreams with each other. Though sometimes frustrating, those conversations of homes and cars and careers are reminiscent of the days when we first began planning our lives together.
These moments came without weeks of planning, cleaning or baking, and yet, made the holiday's intent ever so clear.
I found myself appreciative of what truly brings happiness to my life ... the people.

All dressed up, with nowhere to go.

2010-11-24T21:03:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite parts of the holidays is the explosion of sequins and lace.
Other than summer wedding season, there seems to be a rare occasion when a girl can get by with getting done up these days, and let's face it - we all need those moments.
While my season will be spent with an abundance of family and friends, I'm falling shy of making fancy plans for even ringing in 2011.
Initially a bit bummed by the lack of dance in my calendar, it occurred to me that this may have a perk. I don't have to go buy an elaborate anything - leaving me in prime position to purchase several fabulous everythings post-holidays to be ready for a Valentine's date, next year's extravaganzas or maybe just a fun night out with girlfriends.
My primary focus is landing on this skirt at J. Crew ...

J. Crew sequin mesh bell skirt

Sequins tend to last only through the holidays and then hit MAJOR sale racks for the month following the festivities. (Leather also tends to hit that timing, so if you're looking for a serious leather pencil skirt, now's the time to get your radar out.)
There's a delicate line with sequins. They can be harsh overkill or 10-year-old girl if not executed with something far more toned down. I think it's partially this fashionable challenge that makes them a personal favorite of mine.
I love the texture and shine they give, and when mixed with the aforementioned neutral staple, they can really pop.
May this season be merry and bright!
Ecrire à bientôt ... KJ

678 - GREAT!

2010-11-21T12:24:00.000-06:00

Jeans are always a tricky subject for me - and for most women, I think.
Finding that perfect fit tends to come only after spending seemingly hopeless hours in and out of ill-lit dressing rooms. From too short to too long, way too slim to beyond too loose, the sturdy fabric can fit in all the wrong ways far more often than all the right.
Thankfully, though, a few years back I fell heart-first for trouser jeans. While not every pair and brand fit the same way, they give me a place to start in the bountiful land of blues.
Yesterday, I ran into The Limited and had a date with denim destiny.
I haven't bought any pants there in well over 5 years, but had a date night with my husband and friends planned and desperately needed a new pair.
I immediately bee-lined for the sale rack, and there, in the terribly hollow halo of overhead fluorescent lighting, was this pair of fabulous jeans - price tag $34.99.

The Limited - 678 Trouser Jeans

These 678 Trouser Jeans are the perfect combination of dress and sass. They are ever so slightly flared and have a great pocket to help out my ever-flattening shelf of a behind.

The cuffing at the bottom is a great touch, but doesn't shorten the hemline to the point where I can't wear them with my favorite heels. They have the darkness I live for without looking as if the dye is so overdone that most will end up in my washing machine on rinse one. And thanks to their overwhelming cotton make-up, at the end of the night they felt just as comfortable as the beginning, without that awkward stretching.

Bottom line - my new favorite jean!

10 days of chaos

2010-11-19T21:41:00.000-06:00

The last 10 days have been overwhelming, to say the very least.
While I try to use this forum as a way to escape my every day, I'm feeling the need to both write and sharpen my eye to the positive things undoubtedly hidden among the disarray the past week and half has provided on a seemingly by-the-minute basis. And so ...

Highlight 1 - Highlights. I have tested out a new stylist the last few months and her work has been nothing short of fantastic. I love that even when my next appointment was drawing near, my style stood strong, not stringy. She also managed to highlight my severely darkened locks without making them orange, and for that, she got two very ecstatic thumbs up!

TipTop 2 - My poor nails have been feeling the effects of my madness and were unmistakably neglected. They were redeemed to glory on Thursday morning, however, when they were topped with one of my absolutely favorite OPI shades of all time - Espresso Your Style! It's a deep chocolate with a hint of gold shimmer. I know what you're thinking ... and yes, the name does make it a double win.

Iced ... 3 - I live in silver hoop earrings from Express. They are my go-to, my favorite and my staple for all outfits. This morning, however, I waltzed (OK rushed) right out the door without them. On my way to work, though, I remembered that I had stashed a pair of square "diamond" studs in my car's middle storage for just such an occasion. It was a great little surprise. Not $20-in-the-washer great, but served a sparkling purpose nonetheless.

4 cheers for food - I attended my first-ever cooking class this week and had a fantastic time! I went with my mom and learned how to make mango chutney, carrot-parsnip puree, brussel sprouts and pumpkin cheesecake. The recipes were fabulous, and I ventured into trying new foods that I will, in fact, now make at home. Success!

Friendly 5 - I've spent all week looking forward to a night out with friends, which may or may not take place now. But the fact that I have such amazing people in my life to look forward to is definitely worth counting!

Though not much, these are enough to bring happy thoughts to a much-needed weekend ... and that, today, is quite enough for me.

Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

A dedication to change

2010-10-29T15:11:00.000-05:00

In 2006, Marc Jacobs was a budding designer for Louis Vuitton. He was clever and flourishing ... and looking like this on the Oprah show.

Fast-forward four years, a stint in rehab and one serious makeover later, Jacobs is at the top of his career and modeling in the ad for his new fragrance - BANG.

As the end of this year is on the horizon, my closet and I are looking as insecure as the Jacobs of old, yet I can't help but want to draw inspiration from the change by this design powerhouse.
New Year's resolutions seem just around the corner, though it's feeling more difficult each day to continue with my current resolution - to make consistent time and attention for my own health and fabulousness.
But as we dive into November, the focus is on everyone but myself. Birthdays and Christmas ... buying gifts and giving time.
The last two weeks I've found myself making excuse after excuse for why I haven't shopped in months, put on my running shoes in weeks or avoided that second regular Pepsi in the middle of the afternoon.
While I could just write off the next 8 weeks as a stressful, busy time that I'll make up for in the future ... this year, I think I'll pass.
I've spent the last six years giving up on resolutions - and on myself, to be quite honest. The fact of the matter is, whether on day 35 or day 305, giving up is still giving up.
And this year, after so much hard work, it feels even more necessary to leave 2010 and enter 2011 in a spectacular way ... with a BANG, indeed!
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Running late.

2010-10-13T01:15:00.000-05:00

Typically, running late is a curse for me. It means I'm holding people up, keeping things from getting done and just generally being a bother.
But then there are times when I'm running late for myself, and tonight was one of those moments.
It's now past 1 a.m. and, suffice to say, about 3 hours past my bed time ... less than 4 hours from when I'll start my new day.
I'm late for a snuggling session with my pillow and a rest for my weary eyes.
I'm late for dreamland, which means I'll likely be late rising and rushing myself through the better part of my day.
But tonight my tardiness to slumber has provided some much needed "me" time to get things organized. It's the best - and seemingly only - time for me to tend to typical "administrative" matters (AKA paying bills!).
About once a month I find myself in need of this time, not only to allocate the final pennies in my pocket, but also to reassess how I'm measuring up to goals and expectations I've set.
I've found if I don't take the time for a good up-and-down every now and then - both in the manner I've handled situations and the moments I want to create for myself - I'll have drifted through months without a second thought.
And while it may be left to the wee hours of the morning, only a dozen times a year - it's well worth waiting for.
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Sweat-er

2010-10-09T21:52:00.000-05:00

Today was ridiculously warm for October, and it made me wonder where fall has gone.
With autumn comes an adoration for being bundled in snugly garments, so one can imagine my disappointment as I paired my favorite jeans with a regular in my short-listed rotation of blouses this morning.
Determined to cool off both my temperament and my wardrobe, tonight I went in search of some fitting sweaters.

Ann Taylor Loft Striped Sweater with Corsage

I was overly excited to come across this piece on sale at Ann Taylor Loft.

While horizontal stripes are typically a fashion "no-no" for the ages, nautical is all over the place right now. I also love that the detailing on the shoulder isn't too "out there."

Since I tend to push up the sleeves on anything I'm wearing anyway, the 3/4 sleeve is instantly appealing, and I really like the way it looks with layered bracelets.

It's dressy enough to pair with trousers and heels for a Tuesday meeting or jeans and ... well, heels ... for a Saturday night.

Who'd have thought a little heat could instigate something so sharp ...

Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Now what?

2010-10-06T21:07:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago, I actually had 2 hours to myself - GASP! - and used every second to do a bit of shopping.
I spent my precious time strolling the aisles, browsing the racks and trying on a ridiculous number of garments that I ended up not buying. It was a small slice of Kate-Johnson-heaven.

While in Target, I came across these Mossimo booties and thought they seemed absolutely perfect! The heel isn't incredibly thick, as I've seen on many booties; they have a great neutral color; and I love the scalloping of the ankle.
However, since getting them home, I think I've put them on 9 days out of 10 and ended up taking them off each time.
It's not that they aren't adorable ... with skirts ... but the fact of the matter is, I don't typically wear skirts, and they're just not that stellar with pants. The texture is honestly fabulous against black opaque tights - but I digress - again, skirts not really my forte.
I tried braving them with my black pants to work one day, and while I received several compliments, I felt more "Annie Get Your Gun" than worthy of an Annie Leibovitz shoot.
There is an upside to the entire scenario, though. It reminded me of a few things:
1. There really is a reason I've never bought booties, despite the fact that they've been at the pinnacle of their fashion greatness for several seasons.
2. It's boot season - and I don't have any knee-high black boots!
3. I have FAR too many pairs of peep-toe shoes.
4. It's OK to have a day every now and then where at 10 a.m. you look in the mirror at work and think - "What in God's name am I wearing!"
5. I love a good challenge, and one of these days those boots will find their perfect match!
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Their style.

2010-10-03T20:59:00.001-05:00

This weekend I got to spend some much-needed girl time with my amazing friends.
We have all had quite the changes over the last few years - in marriages, losses, children, careers, relocation ... the list feels endless.
But through it all - laughter, tears ... and plenty of Bud Light - the ears and arms are always open.
While I tend to use this blog to express my ardent lust for fashion-related style, part of the reason the word "style" sticks with me is because it's also synonymous to terms like "approach," "behavior," and "spirit."
The women I surround myself with don't have to wear 5-inch stilettos with the latest runway stock for me to take notice.
They come in sweatpants and t-shirts, their smiles as glimmering as the Oscar de la Renta Spring 2011 jewelry line and their hearts as warming as a Stella McCartney cashmere cape.
They talk about thing things that really matter to them ... to me ... to us.
They face each day anew and carry themselves and their heads high, even when their hearts are heavy.
They are lit up from the inside-out ... a shining path for those around them.
They do it all - playing every role flawlessly - no script, no runway music, no accolades at stake.
And in moments like these ... when the weekend draws to a slow close and I have rare moment to reflect on the last few days ... I am infinitely thankful for the style they gift to me each and every day.
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Bless ... me!

2010-09-13T21:49:00.000-05:00

For about a week now my allergies have been running my life ... and my nose.
I spend a good portion of my 8-hour grind grabbing 1-ply bulk-purchased Kleenex off of my desk - running down to the supply closet for a new box nearly daily.
At home, where I should have soft heavenly tissues, I've opted for fairly torture-less toilet paper. My latest browse through the tissue aisle left little to be desired, as none of the boxes were quite up to sniff for settling themselves amid my decor.
Sitting at my desk tonight, reaching for something to stop the faucet attached to my face, I found myself thinking - don't there have to be glamorous tissues somewhere?

The Tissue Store

A few short Googles later, I'd discovered The Tissue Store!

Granted, you'll never find me paying $1.80 for 10 tissues, but somehow, I feel better knowing that if I wanted to be touting elaborate toiletries of the fashionable type, I now know just where to start.

Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

I am not afraid ...

2010-09-11T16:25:00.001-05:00

Jewelry doesn't typically get much of my attention. Other than my wedding ring, an amazing bracelet I got from an equally outstanding friend in college and a silver pair of hoop earrings from Express, I don't stray far.
However, in reading through various blogs today, I stumbled across this bracelet and instantly fell in love.

Tina Steinberg Designs

This edgy bracelet is a bit tougher than pieces I'd usually go for, but while I don't lust for jewelry, I do adore words.
Having been through some times in my life when I wasn't so strong, I tend to wear my courage on my sleeve. Literally.
The bracelet I received from that fabulous friend in college reads - "One day at a time," and I don't know that there's been a day since I received it that I didn't find myself glancing down at the dark color of those letters on the silver.
Reading the inscribed thoughts of Joan of Arc on this bracelet, my heart immediately thought - well, of course, a woman said that.
These simple syllables are a sign of all the moments in a day that I feel like I don't know what I'm getting into, but somehow make it through.
They make me think of the times when my husband gives me that expecting look of, "now what" - knowing full well I've never been in this place, tried this activity or seen that look on a child before. And yet, I find an answer.
The bracelet reminds me of all the worries I carry every day in my back pocket - that we as women all face. Can I do it all? How do I make this work? Can I force myself to stay up for just 10 more minutes to get the laundry done?
When I look at it, I see something unique ... not only because it's handcrafted, but because those letters mean something different to each individual who dons this charm on her wrist.
And amid daily obligations, never-ending chore lists, tending to relationships, professional expectations and unexpected moments that make our hearts and minds sore - sometimes, a little reminder that we were born to do something in this world, wouldn't hurt a thing.
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Set the tone

2010-09-10T06:51:00.000-05:00

This morning, I woke up to an amazing fall chill about an hour later than I should have been wrestling out of the covers.
That being said, I immediately realized it was Friday - the last day I'm covering a vacation for someone at work and the first day of what looks to be a very relaxing weekend.
Typically, I would have focused on my running behind on a day that I not only woke up late but also need to leave early for a monthly 7:30 meeting.
However, this morning I smiled and set my tone for the day to thoughts of a soon-in-my-hand pumpkin spice latte, freshly uploaded music on my iPod for a long day at work and a break from everything only a short 10 hours away.
It's funny how sometimes we make or break our own lives before we even run into another person.
Happy Friday ... decide to make it a fabulous one!
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Eureka!

2010-09-07T23:58:00.001-05:00

These last few weeks, as I browse through the fall trends and feel the rush of change sweep through me with the autumn wind, I've been searching for a new make-up routine. We all need a little "pick up" every now and then, and I've been feeling the need for mine.
The great thing about make-up is you can experiment over and over again with three aisles full of Wal-Mart goodies before deciding what it is you like. The bad thing is, sometimes what looks great in the morning shows shades of fade and foul by a 3 p.m. meeting.
Since becoming addicted in college, I've tried nearly every color and type of eyeliner - brown shimmer roll-up, green waterproof, honey brown brush-on and, of course, the old standby ... jet black sharpened like your favorite No. 2 pencil.
I've experimented with shadows from magenta to copper, mixing shades of ice gray with edgy violets.
As I pondered what I could possibly try next, I realized that amid the changing pigments on my peepers there was always one thing missing. The one thing that could finalize the effects of a smoky eye - a nude lip color.
As with all things in life, the art of make-up is a balancing act, and my cop-out on the lip portion of my facade has been stuck in a Blistex phase since Victoria's Secret dared retire my adored lip gloss 8 years ago.
And so, with a brave face, I hit the aisles at the dreaded sucker of my paychecks searching for the perfect lip color.
Too pink, too peach, too much color, not enough shimmer, holy glitter ... EUREKA! And there it was, with a gleaming "New!" sticker ... Maybelline Color Sensational Pearls Lip Colour in Sparkling Sand.

It may not be gilded, but for less than $5, it will certainly do. I haven't worn actual lipstick since high school, when dark brown was my shade of choice. But I found myself reapplying multiple times today, and I must say - there's a feeling very lady-like and chic that accompanies applying lipstick via a cute little compact mirror.
As if for those 20 seconds, it's not about the e-mails, the phone, the meeting ... for that moment, you've remembered to take just a second to think about yourself during a busy day.
And that, in itself, is worth its weight in gold.
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Channeling my inner ...

2010-08-21T08:39:00.038-05:00

My attention was caught immediately by this photo of Katie Holmes as Jackie O. She looks outstandingly similar to the fashion-forward first lady, sporting this smart pink suit.
As I read the caption, I got to thinking - whose fashion sense would I like to channel?
I adore Rachel Zoe, with her wide-leg jeans, mile high shoes and slightly bohemian touch. But the truth is, no matter how confident, I'm never pulling off the look of a faux fur vest, and flowing tops just don't do much for my body-type.
Rachel Bilson has an equally amazing style - chic yet casual at all times. While she looks fabulous, I've never quite been brave enough to don skinny jeans and flats - both because I am terrified by skinny jeans and despise anything without a heel.
I'm not silly enough to think that I'm the size of anyone in Hollywood, however, I couldn't imagine that no one dressed in a way that I could make work for myself.
And so the search began for the cool, yet polished, look I aspire to create.
Pages of photos later, I couldn't settle on just one star whose tracks to follow. I did, however, find three great looks combining casual, clean and edgy, all at the same time!


I love the length of the sleeves on this leather jacket! They make it a little less biker and a little more trendy. The length hits at the smallest part of her waist, which is a little shorter than I'd probably be able to pull off, but I still think it's perfect!


I have always thought vintage t's look fanastic with blazers, and this look only continues to confirm my theory. I'd never have considered a white/cream jacket, but it really does pull it all together in a much more summer-friendly fashion.


That this look combines casual ripped jeans and a very feminine top pulled together with a fantastic blazer with rolled up sleeves - I die! :)

I had considered spending my afternoon cleaning, but after browsing looks like this ... well, let's just say shopping may have just made the agenda.
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Time out

2010-08-17T22:20:00.000-05:00

The ironic part about hobbies and pastimes is when we need them most, we reach for them least.
Life pushes and pulls, one direction then the next - work, school, housework, errands. It all seems "necessary," and when it heaps on, all we want is 10 minutes to do something "unnecessary."
But, alas, guilt drops in. We find ourselves living amongst the piles of papers, plates and pressing, dreaming longingly of the "free" moment when we can focus on something we want to do, but don't have to do.
And so, on the wagger of my sadly neglected blog, here are three very simple things I crave before the week is out - both for my brain and my soul:

1. Put the tip of a Sharpie pen to my thickly-inked journal. I have recently been obsessed with the amazing calligraphy of these sticks. I have no idea how I lived without them, nor do I know how I've had them the last few months and yet never put their magnificent tip to my sacred paper.

2. Wander through Beetz Me, taking in the incredible creativity of the shop. It's close enough to do on my lunch, and yet, I never bother to stop in because I can always stop in.

3. Blog. That's right, I'm blogging about blogging - but why not.
It's on the to do list and absolutely counts because it requires me to think above of the dishsoap and folded laundry. It challenges me to utilize the right side of my organizationally-dominant brain, and reminds me that there is more to life than ... well, making a to do list.
Funny how having put these tasks in writing instantly changes their priority in my mind, successfully transitioning them to planned necessities - waiting to be crossed off and tucked neatly away as accomplishments for the week.
May they find themselves realized to the fullest, leading me into the weekend feeling accomplished, needless and inspired.
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Fall-owing the crowd

2010-08-01T23:03:00.000-05:00

Everyone is talking about fall.
Co-workers comment on their tire of the seemingly endless heat. Teacher friends discuss preparation to return to their classrooms. Notices from favorite blogs and sites fill my inbox with reviews of the Fall 2010 runway looks.
The daily tease of autumn feels relentless.
It taunts me like a siren because "back to school" used to be one of my favorite times. Each August, we'd head to Springfield for the state fair and shopping. From picking the perfect book bag to that first-day outfit, the entire scenario was neatly arranged in my mind.
But the business world, with its 24-7-365, is completely void of this renewed sentiment, and oh how I miss that rush. I long for that feeling of excitement and new beginning.
With that in mind, I spent tonight rifling through web sites - shops, magazines, blogs, etc. - trying to decide what I would select this year for that first day through the halls. I was immediately overwhelmed with the same emotions I had for all those years. I would need something fashionable, bold and showing a little more sophistication than usual - for I am a "year" older now.

Stella McCartney Fall 2010 RTW

Photo Credit to New York Magazine (Photo: Imaxtree)

Yes. It's grey. It's grey all over, and I think it's fabulous.

This look has been stuck in my mind since I first laid eyes on it in the August Harper's Bazaar.

Of course, it's partially splendid because it's lavishly expensive and was created by Stella McCartney - whose designs are ridiculously chic and real, all at the same time.

But it's also an amazing look because:

A) It is classy, yet casual. That sweater looks divinely comfy, and yet so very put together. And ...

B) It's risky. Monochromatic dress is usually something to avoid, as it can be easily misconstrued as a lack of effort or fear of creativity.

But the textures are a great mix and match - allowing it to appear a confident fashion outlaw, only to be exposed as a brilliant style maven upon closer inspection.

And if my clothes are going to be representative of who I am in the year to come, then why not let them tell the truth.

Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Lesson learned

2010-07-27T21:13:00.000-05:00

Today was one of those days that could have been perfectly filed under the term - "Woke up on the wrong side of the bed."
From the immediate remorse of blowing off my alarm at its first beckon to the several people who crossed my path throughout the day, my attitude furiously tumbled.
By the time I dashed out the door at work for an early lunch at 11:15, I was certain today would be the day I had earned the right to let someone have it.
Telling people exactly what I think - in terms of their negative behavior or actions toward me - is something I rarely do. Despite the fact that I verbally proclaim otherwise on numerous occasions (partially to convince myself I own a backbone), the truth is I often smile, make peace and courteously move on with my day. I layer my hurt feelings between my turned-down frown and stomach another opportunity to speak my mind.
But, today I was ready. I reasoned my excuses and built my courage for the right to fire back, and then ... well, and then I swallowed another pride sandwich before I got in my car for the day.
I shuffled through the door at 5, still keeping my trigger finger ready should an unwelcome anything find its way to me.
By 6, I was laughing with my child. He was bathed and fast asleep in his bed by 7 (no nap today!).
And at 7:30, my quiet home was clean, candles lit, husband shortly arriving and I was here ...

... cuddled in the welcoming arms of my big red chair, with my favorite glass full of cheap fruity wine, surrounded by stacks of my cherished glossy magazines.
As it turns out, my day got better all on its own ... without ruining someone else's.
Absolutely noted.
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

A fear of ... shopping?

2010-07-21T22:28:00.000-05:00

For years now, I have avoided shopping online at all cost.
At first, I claimed it was "hype." Then, I declared I didn't need to hit the sites because of my close proximity to the mall. Most recently, I blamed my lack of internet commerce on the challenge of returns.
The truth is ... it's just not the same.
Yes, I know that makes me "old." I'm officially one of those people shunning some "new" fan-dangled gimmick because I just like how I do it now.
The bottom line is, giving up my stores would be like asking a retiree to give up her programs. The days just wouldn't be the same.

These shops are such great friends, that I utterly dread the thought of separation.
A euphoric feeling comes over me as the perfumed air of the boutique and reflection of off the polished mannequins simultaneously strike my senses.
I suddenly relax in their presence and am comforted as I browse the racks.
As I make my selections to the gentle sound of music lulling in the background, I head toward the fitting room.
Obsessive about trying on every article, I thoughtfully critique whether the relationship will go anywhere.
"Absolutely! This silk blouse would go perfectly with my navy trousers and yellow peep-toe pumps."
"Oh no - these straight-leg pants will definitely not work. Far too slim through the thigh."
I get lost in the conversation with myself, and before I know it, time passes too quickly.
I make my way to the counter, stopping only to browse the accessories - still mentally calculating the various ways I will execute my purchases once they meet the remainder of my wardrobe.
As I head toward the door, the sun glares brightly into the seductively-lit showroom. I feel myself wincing, not at the light, but at the thought of returning to my average day.
But as I put my hand on the cold steel of the handle, allowing the warmth of the outdoors to breeze over me, I recognize the familiar touch of a shopping bag in my grasp.
My smile returns ... my day is made.
And so - in absence of this bliss - I'm doing my best to "set the mood" for some online browsing tonight.
The lighting is low, "The Devil Wears Prada" plays in the background and I've got a nice glass of wine.
It may not be the same, but in the words of Jennifer Aniston (Vogue, Dec. 2008) ...
"Everything you've ever wanted is right outside your comfort zone."
I would hate to keep my date with retail destiny waiting.
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

Dresses abound

2010-07-19T23:47:00.000-05:00

It was ridiculously hot this weekend. Ridiculous. However ...
I - don't - wear - shorts.
I - don't - go - sleeveless.
I broke both rules on Saturday, making for not only a scorching day, but a very self-conscious one as well.
I found myself completely unprepared, wardrobe-wise, for the first time in quite some time. And while I'm not self-centered enough to assume anyone took time out of their busy day to look at me and say to themselves ... "wow, she should have sleeves and pants" ... it was on my mind.
Like any woman in a situation where she isn't feeling at her tops, I assumed every person in the greater Chicago area was attuned to my insecurities.
Amid my selfish concern, however, I found myself wondering what one should do it just such a situation. I scanned crowded street after packed venue, searching for the best possible option that I should have chosen.
And there they were ... dress after incredible dress.
Now, I've never given much thought to dresses for anything other than a wedding or other formal occassion, but they were everywhere. I found myself longing for a cute little sundress to stroll around in on a hot day.

So, after much online browsing and retrospective 48 hours later ...

Banana Republic, Heritage Sketch Dress, $130

This dress would have been perfect. For while some may be able to pick up any adorable stretchy fabric and shape, I have a few rules about dresses:

1. Must have a waist. Said "waist" must hit at the smallest part of me - just below my chest. This draws attention away from the areas I like least (pretty much anything below my waist!). Check out the location of the tie above. Superb!

2. Must have sleeves - or be able to be worn with a sleeve of sorts. I prefer my dresses have full (short or long) sleeves - since I'm no Michelle Obama, cap-sleeves hit right at the least flattering part of my upper arm. If it is sleeveless, the shape must be conducive to wearing a jacket. Why not a cardigan you ask? Well, if I've established an accent at the smallest part of me, why would I go negating it with a boxy cardigan (unless belted). A tailored jacket is much more effective, not to mention rolled up sleeves showing a cute liner are one of my favorite accessories at the moment! While the sleeves above may seem a little long for a steamy day, see below.

3. Must be made mostly of cotton (or other light, yet structured material).

Test - don't think about it - just answer.

Would you put 90% lycra/spandex on your body?

Odds are the answer is no (unless you cheated!). You immediately thought of a 1980s leotard, or the likes, hugging every nook and cranny of your exterior. So, while these fabrics are breathable and stretchy, I find they "give" on me in all the wrong places. And so ... true fabric, it is. The dress above is 52% cotton, enough for me to know it's got little room for movement and lots of placement. This also means it's lightweight enough to be an airy choice for a hot day!

And while these rigid criterion can make finding a dress quite the task, like all of my rules, they mean that I end up with only exactly what I want. Exactly what fits. Exactly what makes me feel best about myself.

After all, why repeat in insecure situation when a little thought and effort can create an effect just the opposite - the ability to sit back, relax and enjoy the sun of summer!

Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

An alluring companion

2010-07-15T22:42:00.000-05:00

Confession: For several years, I've had a love affair with the city.
It is the "greener grass" on the other side, filled with images and emotions of what could be.
Like any torrid affair, however, I see it with steamy, rose-colored glasses - the bustle of people, the little coffee shops on every corner, the incredible culture, and, of course, the fashion and shopping.
As a devoted mistress, I blatantly ignore that the city is already in a very committed relationship with high costs and endless traffic.
No, instead I think only of the moments where I have a glass of wine with a good friend on a balcony taking in the skyline or stroll by Fendi with snow falling as I head toward the window displays of Michigan Avenue.

But as I plan to head to visit a great friend this weekend, I'm finding there is incredible value in being only a "visitor" ... as long as I hit the streets looking like anything but, obviously.
And so, here are the top 5 reasons to pack myself up for metropolitan bliss ... only to pack those same things back up for the country days later:

No decisions. When I head to Chicago, I enlist the knowledge of my amazing friend, Kristin, who isn't out to take me to The Cheesecake Factory (not that the food's not great!). I get the city, as is, through her eyes - and I let her lead the way. "Take me to your favorite place," is the only deciding factor all weekend, and I get to just enjoy a few days in her shoes.
Appreciation. Because I stroll in with my rose-colored glasses, I have an appreciation for her balcony ... or living room ... or adorable apartment, that she can renew in my visit. I can't help but dote on every single thing, including the quiet of the morning even when surrounded by thousands of people.
Complete disregard for money. I'm not saying that I blow hundreds in a weekend, but I don't question the $10 vodka tonic because it's "vacation" and I expect it. Granted, I'm not really on vacation, but it's funny how when you convince yourself it's OK to relax, you actually can. A $10 vodka tonic at home would mean complaining to myself or husband that I didn't know it was that expensive, or I would have ordered my $2.50 Bud Light - thus completely negating the calming effects of my Absolute.
Anonymity. No one on the street knows me - and anyone who does know me, knows I'm away and doesn't call. I get 3 days of silent enjoyment of just being another girl on the street ... allowing me to focus all my attention on just what I'm doing at that moment - spending time with a fabulous friend!
Home. Yes, ironically, one of the very best things about heading to the city for the weekend is knowing that I get to travel the incredibly empty Interstate 80 to our tiny (affordable!) home, filled with a husband, son and immeasurable love.

So, enjoy your weekend ... plan a trip ... or simply consider yourself a visitor in your own little world.
Ecrire à bientôt ~ KJ

It's the little things.

2010-06-29T05:19:00.000-05:00

I would prefer to never go into Wal-Mart. I'd love to be one of "those people" who finds all of her goods at crafty little side shops, but the bottom line is sometimes necessity - and frugality - require a one-stop-cheap-shop.
That being said, sometimes the smallest things can make me happy - for example, these fun push pins and paper clips I bought at said "cheap shop." They're absolutely perfect for my inspiration board, which is cluttered with images and notes.

So, while the best things in life don't come free ... some of the things that add a little interest to our lives don't come too far from it.

Brave the summer

2010-06-10T00:27:00.003-05:00

As summer approaches, so come the activities that inevitably require foot-friendly gear. While brightly-colored peep-toed heels are a go-to favorite for this sky-high girl, there are those moments when even I confess it would simply be foolish to toss on a teetering toe-cover ... beer gardens, parades, the zoo, etc.
Looking in my closet tonight, however, I found my shoe collection below a 3-inch vertical limited to every-woman's share of $3 Old Navy flip flops. Though we obviously can't go without the thongs du jour (yes, ladies, at some point their luster will fade!), the thick-soled one-color flops certainly don't provide a fashionable replacement for ornamental footwear.

Enter the search for a Grecian sandal.

Now, my sister has been rocking the Grecian sandal for about three summers, in the same manner that she wears everything she owns - effortlessly. I, on the other hand, tend to feel completely out of my element when browsing the shelves for the perfect talaria.

Via much online browsing, however, I've come up with some possibilities that may just require further investigation, as they go beyond the typical flat-soled adornment to something ever so slightly edgy.

After all, a great pedicure is worth admiring and saving, all at the same time!

From top left:

1. Naughty Monkey, Ginger Rocks

2. Mia, Heiress

3. Mia, Tuscan

4. Cole Haan, Eve Gladiator

5. Steve Madden, Genevvaa

6. Maria Sharapova by Cole Haan, Air Pastine Gladiator

7. Maria Sharapova by Cole Haan, Air Valentine Gladiator

8. Steven by Steve Madden, Aviva

Anything but ordinary

2010-05-30T23:49:00.000-05:00

Tonight my sister and I went to see Sex and the City 2 - a movie I've been anxiously awaiting since the first one ended.
It filled all my highest expectations - incredible fashion, beauty and humor galor ... and a surprisingly great storyline, which included a mother-sized breakdown by Charlotte and Miranda that I, as a new mother, couldn't relate to more.
But amid my sightings of Louboutin and Dior, I was oddly distracted by four women who sat in front of us. They spent the night tossing in comments like, "What on earth is she wearing?" and giggling profusely when the Yohji Yamamoto hat made its debut on the plane flight.
While I openly admit the crinkle hat was something only SJP could pull off, I couldn't help but think that these four women just weren't getting it.
Their straight cut cargo capris with orthopedic-fashioned sandals gave me plenty of vibe that perhaps they weren't in it for the Lanvin sightings, but I couldn't help but wonder - when is it OK to be extraordinary?
I've decided fashion is either something your into, or you're not. It's a personal choice, and I don't judge anyone for her selection - I don't garden ... others don't style. It's a hobby, really - browsing for the right garments, fitting your body, understanding what works and what doesn't.
That being said - I was perplexed by what these women could possibly have against another for being anything but ordinary. There they were in their average-looking attire - trying oh so hard to simply blend in - and finding hilarity in the attempts by a character to be an individual.
Don't get me wrong, we all have our moments, and I make no argument that I've never judged another - but it did get me thinking ... who are we - in our oh so many ordinary ways - to look at another making her own path and question.
Better yet - why not simply be content making our own rules, beginning from the outside in?